


missing you

by lorene



Series: you [1]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: AU, Angst, Breakup, Established Relationship, Getting Back Together, Happy Ending, M/M, no hockey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 07:53:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8154748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorene/pseuds/lorene
Summary: “I wasn't. I mean, I was in Jack’s room last night. Like I slept there.”He looked back at the couch, “So Jack slept out here?” Connor swallowed hard, trying to fight the inevitable grin he felt coming on, “No- like, we were both in there. Sleeping. And stuff.”Dylan now looked a little more awake, despite the dark circles under his eyes. “Wait.” He paused for a moment, eyebrows shooting up comically. “And stuff? Connor, did you and Jack have sex last night?”As soon as that came out, Connor put his hand over mouth, looking around like someone could possibly overhear.Dylan smacked his hand away but didn't seem to care that Connor was still gripping his arm so tightly now, that he could see the imprint of white. He was a good friend like that.





	

**Author's Note:**

> FINALLY
> 
> it feels like i've been working on this forever and it's finally finished! This is not beta'd so please let me know you spot any typos or anything.
> 
> i really worked hard on this so i really hope you guys like it!
> 
> tumblr: http://mikeys-mcloud.tumblr.com/

_Buzz. Buzz. Buzz_ _._  
  
Connor listened carefully as the all too comforting echo of heavy raindrops falling on the roof. It was mostly silent in his parent’s house, with the exception of the loud rainfall along with the contrasting, soft murmur of the TV he wasn't paying attention to. It had started to storm pretty bad here in the last few days. The weather seemed to be some sort of terrible metaphor for his life or something.

  
It was late. He was tired. Most people would have been asleep by now, lulled hard by the plush darkness and depths of nothingness.

  
He’d been on edge all day, like he was waiting for the moment he would wake up and everything would be back to normal again. Like the last few weeks would have just all been a dream- a really unpleasant one but that type of thing only happened in movies.

  
Connor only turned his phone on for the first time in an entire week a half an hour ago. Knowing that at some point he’d should probably respond to all the texts everyone’s bombarded him with from the past week but he was in no rush. He finally looked down at the screen to see who was calling him, a familiar pang shooting through his chest.

  
_Oh God..._

  
With a deep sigh, Connor quickly reached over to grab the phone, ignoring the tiny voice in his head telling him not to pick up.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
It was quiet for a few beats before he heard the person on the other line suck in a steady breath before speaking.  
  
“I- I couldn't sleep.”  
  
You always have a hard time falling asleep.  
  
“Okay.” Connor calmly stated. He closed his eyes and ran his hand over the back of his neck. “...Is that all, Jack? I mean come on... it's two in the morning. I was sleeping, you know.”

  
He desperately hoped Jack couldn't hear the slight tremble in his voice towards the end of his sentence. Connor was never good at lying to him.  
  
“I’m sorry...I didn’t know...” Jack murmured. There was a pause before he continued, “No one's heard from you in a awhile, I’ve just been so worried, wanted to check up and make sure you're ok-”.

  
_You don't have to do that anymore._  
  
“I’m as good as I can be right now.” Connor interrupted.  
  
There was shuffling on the other side of the phone, like Jack was tossing and turning around in his- _their_ \- bed, probably trying to get comfortable. “Since you’ve been screening everyone’s calls for the last two weeks, I had no choice but to call your mom the other day...she told me that you were staying with her and that you were alright.”  
  
“I'm just taking some time off for myself. Not a big deal.”  
  
“ _Connor_ \- ”

  
Hearing that tone made his skin was start to prickle uncomfortably and all he wanted was for this conversation to end. Jack calling him at two in the morning to “check up” was not exactly helping anything to say the least.  
  
“Please stop, okay? I really don’t want to get into this right now.”  
  
It was only four days ago that Jack had asked Connor to pack his stuff and move out- officially. It was also a month ago since his boyfriend of four years broke up with him. Connor still doesn't know if it should have been as much of a shock to him as it had been.

  
It had been bad for a while now. He wasn't sure exactly when it changed but it was like all of a sudden they just weren't _clicking_ anymore. The arguing had increased, Jack turned into an insanely jealous person and had a habit of blaming Connor for everything. Connor found himself not caring anymore about actually fixing the issue and had a habit of trying to sweep everything under the carpet because it was just easier that way. He always hated talking things through.

  
The difference between he and Jack was that Connor never stopped _wanting to work things out._ Of course he was always willing to put the effort in, and not just because they had put the last four fucking years of their lives into this relationship but because he was Jack.

  
It's not like he believed Jack didn't love him anymore but in a way- it felt like it. If you love someone enough, you should want to not just give up, right? To think Jack felt like they wouldn't ever be able to fully work it out, that hurt Connor. A lot. But it hurt way more to think that Jack was just simply tired of it all.  
  
Connor was torn out of his thoughts, remembering that he should probably pay attention to what Jack was saying.  
  
“You're coming home soon, right?” _Home_. He wondered if Jack realized what he said, how it sounded and if he felt bad for it. “You can't miss your best friends birthday. Remember that lake we all went to that one time? For Labor Day weekend?”

  
He did. It was two years ago. The same weekend Dylan first brought Mitch around the group, almost nonchalantly, in a ‘ _he just followed me here_ ’ kinda way. Maybe it was best friend intuition but Connor knew right away that Mitchell Marner wasn't just one of Dylan's friends, even though that's what he claimed.

  
Maybe they were just friends at the time but there was definitely something going on between them, Jack told him he was delusional for thinking that. Then three months later, Dylan and Mitch started dating.

  
Connor couldn't help but smile a little as he could still remember shaking Marner’s clammy hand, his grip a little too tight and full of nervous energy. All weekend, he watched how he and Dylan interacted with each other and how comfortable they seemed each other. Admittedly, he got a little spike of jealousy whenever Dylan would smile awkwardly and shove Mitch as they joked around and made fun of each other.

  
Connor also remembers sitting out on that creaky dock late at night, listening to the crickets chirp out a mellow tune and how he whined endlessly to Jack about how he was losing his best friend to a guy that supposedly used to annoy the shit out of him. Jack just would roll his eyes and wrap the blanket over their shoulders a little tighter.

  
“ _I think you're being a little paranoid, there's nothing going on between those two. Even if there was, you're never going to lose Stromer_.”

  
“ _Promise me that I’ll never lose you either, because I don't think I could handle losing either of you actually_.”

  
He still remembers Jack staring up at the bright moon then looking down at him and how his entire face seemed to light up in a way that sent a thrill through Connor’s body. “ _I promise_.”

  
Even though he was clearly amused by Connor, there was a certain fold of _I swear, I promise_ in his eyes and Connor never in a million years thought Jack would lie to him.

  
“Uh sounds familiar.” he finally answered. Suddenly, he was feeling very, _very_ tired.  
  
“Mmhm, that was a fun weekend.” Jack’s voice sounded so soft. Sweet, in a way he hadn't heard in awhile. He said again, “Marner wants to go for Strome’s birthday.”

  
Connor imagined him lying there in the dark, sprawled out on his back with his eyes closed and a sleepy smile on his lips and he could practically feel the heat radiating off of Jack even though he was miles away. But if he closed his own eyes and focused hard enough, Jack was right there with him.

  
Jack was probably tangled up in the multiple blankets he piled on top of him, probably had a half empty bottle of water sitting on the pillow next to him because he got thirsty at night.

  
He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to erase the mental image out of his mind and instead slouched down so low on the couch that his neck immediately started to strain, but at least he wasn't imagining how Jack looked right now. “I’m sure my parents don’t want me staying with them for too much longer, so I think I might go home in a few days.” he said quietly.  
  
“It just... it would have been nice to know you were leaving before you took off without telling anyone, that’s all.” Jack stated. He never had trouble saying what was on his mind. He was very confrontational like that, while Connor was the opposite.  
  
“I don't know what you want me to say, Jack.” Because he really didn't. It's not like he was going to apologize for wanting to get the hell out of Toronto after this nightmare of a month. Shit has been tough and _he of all people_ should be able to understand that.  
  
Jack cleared his throat, “Alright well, I’ll let you go then. Obviously you know you can call and text me if you need anything or whatever.” he mumbled again. Connor made a small noise of acknowledgement, “Yeah, I know. Thank you.”

  
Jack didn't say anything so Connor muttered a ‘bye’ but then, “Wait Connor- just stay safe. Please. And um, sleep well.”

  
Connor gripped his phone tighter, “Goodnight, Jack.”

  
As soon as he hung up, it was time to shut his phone back off completely. He tossed it over onto the other ottoman and thought about the day he last saw Jack. It was when he moved out of their apartment. And he thought about how after they’d gotten the last of Connor’s stuff packed up, they just sat next to each other up against the bed frame, not saying anything just- just being there with each other. Jack had reached over and squeezed Connor’s hand, looking at him with such sadness in his eyes that it made his chest hurt and stomach churn.

  
He would have to get up in a few hours and figure out when he should start heading back to Toronto.

  
Maybe he would go for a run or help his mom with breakfast. Maybe he turn his phone back on, maybe he would leave it off.  
  
***

  
Coming back to Toronto made Connor miss the weather back in Riverside. Toronto weather was too normal.

  
When he and Jack broke up, they weren't exactly in a rush to tell anyone. But when Jack asked him to think about moving out, there was really only one person Connor felt like he could turn to.

  
He didn't want to burden Dylan with his miserableness because he and Mitch just started living together and he didn't wanted be that guy who third wheels his best friend.

  
So he was currently staying with Mikey McLeod, who lived alone and had a spare room that used to have a pool table in it until he sold it so now, the room was mostly empty. He was cool enough to let Connor rent a room out while he looks for his own place.

  
Mikey was kind of perfect. Connor wished he could be more like him.

  
He hadn't known him for very long, but that was okay. He liked the guy. Mikey was a quiet kid, kept to himself a lot. He did own his laundry every week, was a neat freak and always asked if it was okay if Nathan came over even though it was his _own_ apartment.

  
Oh yeah, and Mikey had the most perfect relationship. Connor was pretty envious of that too.

  
Mikey and Nate have been together for a long time, just like he and Jack had been but they had it all together- _unlike he and Jack_.  
  
The place was empty, when he got home. Well...to Mikey's home. There were boxes that he left scattered on the living room floor and a pair of his shoes sitting by the heating vent. All his things were still in the same place where he left them.

  
He was a little surprised Mike hadn't pushed all his shit into his room or even into one corner. Honestly, it hadn't even hit him until now how pissed he would be when Connor just shows back up like nothing. Or maybe he wouldn't, Mikey was a pretty understanding guy.

  
Another example of how perfect he was.

  
“ _Fuck_.” he sighed to himself and headed into the spare room to drop his bags off on the lumpy mattress on the floor where he sadly slept.  
  
He lingered in his room, despite feeling antsy all of a sudden and he was debating on whether he should lug all his belongings in the room or try seeing if Dylan was around to talk.

  
After a few seconds, he sent a quick text to Dylan asking if he could come over and all he got back was ‘ **yeah come over but ?????** ’ and twenty minutes later, he was letting himself into their front door.

  
There was soft music and voices coming from the yard so he stood there for a second, not knowing if he should go out there or not. Right then, Mitch rounded the corner from the kitchen and spotted Connor with wide eyes, a bit of a deer in headlights look.

  
“Oh, look who it is!” Mitch exclaimed. He was balancing two longneck beers on top of a large tupperware container, coming in for a halfway hug. Mitch smelled like smokey barbecue and cardboard and he was warm. It made Connor smile because he’d missed him even though he’d only been gone for two weeks.  
  
“You disappeared out of nowhere! Dyl was worried sick, we all were! Until um, not to bring it up but-,” Mitch lowered his voice and looked around, “Eich’s told us what happened. I, for one did not see that coming. Sorry man.” He clapped Connor on his shoulder blade a few times, giving him a sad smile.  
  
Connor felt his own smile falter and he shoved his hands into his pockets, letting out a nervous laugh. He had no idea Jack told them what happened, and he had a lot of questions but now wasn't the time.

  
“Everything’s fine, I was just spending some time with my parents, they wanted me to come up for this thing and I just ended up staying for a few extra days so.” Connor rambled, hoping that was enough to end the conversation, then cleared his throat a little. “So um, are you guys having a party or something? I didn't mean to barge in on anything.”

  
Mitch just handed him a beer and reached up to hook an arm around his neck. “Come on, everyone's out here.”  
  
***

  
Word really does travel fast.  
  
_“Hey man, I heard about you and Eichel. How’re you holding up?”  
  
“Oh honey, I’m so sorry to hear that you and Jack broke up. Do you need anything? I’m here to talk.”  
  
“Man, that’s a trip. How long were you guys together for, like three or four years, right? Have you thought about getting back out there? It might be good for you..”_  
  
So-

  
Connor wasn't entirely sure how all these people knew about his and Jack’s breakup. Was Jack just going around talking about it to everyone they knew?

  
He didn't know how to answer these questions. He’s pretty sure he’s _not_ actually holding up and _yes_ , he needs a lot of things but that doesn't mean he’s necessarily going to get them and _no_ he hasn't thought about dating again. How could he?  
  
But still, he powered through polite small talk with a grimace on his face the entire time until he decided now was a good time for a small break.

  
Stepping back inside the apartment for a few minutes, he twisted the cap open on another beer and sat down on the couch. It was mostly Mitch's hockey friends here, people he didn't know too well and probably met once or twice before but didn't remember any of their names.

  
He was gulping his beer down a little heatedly when he felt a hand on his shoulder and glanced up to see Dylan, smiling devilishly at him. Connor almost spit out his drink just because of the silliness of it all, “What?”  
  
Stromer just sat down on the armrest on the couch, wrapping his warm hand around the back of Connor’s neck. “Nothin’.” He was squirmy and his eyes kept darting towards the door every five seconds.

  
“Why are you weird?” Connor rolled his eyes.

  
He kept his hand on Connor’s neck, fingers now rubbing at the soft baby hairs. “So, don’t hate me…”

  
“ _Dylan_. ” Connor warned.  
  
“You know I'm glad you're here and all but we didn't exactly know you would show up today...and we already had this barbecue planned...and uh you know who’s invited.”  
  
Jack was coming. “Oh...”

  
Dylan waited a beat before going on, “But that was before we knew everything, you know-” he gestured to the area around them. “I don't know if you want to leave before he gets here...but I think you should stay. Everyone wants you to, Davo. I mean, I want you to.”  
  
Connor set his beer down on the coffee table and rubbed a hand over his stubbly cheek. “Um. I guess I’m going to have to get used to...this.” Dylan looked a little worried, “It’s not your fault, of course I’ll stay.”

  
This would be the first time seeing Jack face to face and the thought of that made him feel a little shaky inside.

  
Sure, he and Jack still talked sparingly through texts, and on the phone a few nights ago but...he wasn't sure if he was ready to actually be in the same room with him yet. He didn't know if he could handle it really. This whole breakup thing really fucking sucks even more when you share the same group of friends. It hadn't really even crossed his mind how often they’d run into each other or how awkward it would be when they did.  
  
Dylan shot him another sad look, like he knew exactly what Connor was thinking and he probably did. “Hey...it’s gonna be alright. I promise.”

  
_I promise_. At least there was still one person in his life who kept his promises.

  
Dylan scooted closer so he was leaning all of his weight on Connor and he leaned down a bit to whisper in his ear, “I wish I didn't have to hear about it from Jack, you know I would have been here to listen.”  
  
“I was going to tell you, Dyl, I don't know why he fucki-” He stopped himself right then and there because his tone came out harsh and there was wetness starting to form at corner of his eye. Not realizing how upset he was, he just looked at Dylan who nodded and didn't even blink.

  
It was quiet for a moment, and Connor sniffled once before Stromer slipped off the armrest and onto Connor’s lap, nearly knocking his beer on the coffee table over which made Connor lunge forward to catch it, with a lapful of someone who was all lank and limbs. “Dylan!”  
  
“Sorry mom.” he laughed, not making any move to get off Connor’s lap. _Reckless_ , Connor thought, _even in his own home_. Dylan muttered something about being scolded at 25.  
  
It wasn't until later in the evening that Jack arrived. Connor was relieved when Nate and Mikey showed up a little earlier, just in time to eat. At least he had a couple of someones to stick to and avoid other people with.

  
Nate had taken to guarding one of the coolers full of beer and tangy sweet wine coolers. He was talking a little animatedly about something to do with the Leafs and was drunk already even though it was now only 6:15. At least there was some entertainment.

  
Mikey, ( _who he definitely thinks is a little pissed at him_ ) was nursing his second hard apple cider himself because he was responsible and had to work early tomorrow. “Dude, you better slow down and eat something.” he said, side eyeing Nathan who innocently ignored him and took another sip of his own beer.

  
Connor laughed at them. After a few drinks himself, he felt a little looser and not so tense but with his guard still up.

  
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jack step out into the yard with sunglasses still on. It wasn't totally necessary because it wasn't very sunny anymore so all it did was make him look a little ridiculous.

  
Someone shouted his name and Jack looked around before following the direction of the voice. Coincidentally, that was two tables away from there Connor was at. He didn't think Jack saw him yet and if he acted fast enough he could slip out of there without anyone noticing.

  
“Hey man, sorry I'm late. I couldn't get off early no matter how hard I tried.” Jack said easily, and shook his with a smile. His voice seemed to carry loudly throughout the entire backyard if that was possible and he was only a couple feet away.

  
He tried his best to tune it out and shoved another forkful of pasta salad into his mouth just as something to do. He was already full though and the thought of swallowing the food make him feel want to gag. When he looked up from his plate, Mikey was looking at him. He nodded his head with a upwards jerk, “You okay?”

  
Connor just- _really needed to walk away for a minute_. He made a lame excuse of needing another drink, ignoring the “Ummm we have drinks right here?” that Nate questioned, very unnecessarily loud and he headed inside.

  
The backyard wasn't _huge_ and it’s not like there were a ton of people here, so at one point or another, they would eventually at least make eye contact.

 

  
A part of him hoped Jack had seen him, just because. That was the part of him that still constantly craved Jack’s attention. For the most part though, he hoped Jack hadn't spotted him just yet because well...they didn't exactly leave off on the best terms last time they saw each other. He wasn't exactly happy with Jack at the moment either, which made everything feel even more raw and painful.

 

  
Connor took a minute to lean against the counter top for a second, it was cold to touch which was nice. Made him feel present. The sun was starting to set, warm rays of light shining into the front window and it created a glow that lit up the kitchen. That sort of calmed him down. _Until_ \- “So you're not even going to say hi to me then?”

  
After the sharp pang in his chest dimmed down, Connor turned around to see Jack standing there, his hands tied behind him to keep the kitchen door closed.  
  
He looked good...but then again he always looked good to Connor.

  
The last time they saw each other in person, Jack’s eyes were red and puffy from crying. But right now, he just wore a set expression of boredom, which was sometimes just his face.  
  
“Uh, hi?” Connor offered and he felt so stupid that he wanted to jump out of his skin.  
  
Jack just looked at him, shrugging his shoulders expectantly as if he were waiting for something. “Well aren't you going to tell me how your little vacation was?”

  
Connor turned back around when the little bubbles of anger started forming in his stomach. He really didn't appreciate the snide tone. It was rude and meant to get under his skin.

  
“If that’s supposed to be a dig at me, you can just leave.”

  
“Woah, what’s up your ass today? I’m just asking you a question, Connor. What- did you expect me to not bring it up?” Jack asked. He heard footsteps coming closer and Jack was rounding the island now. Still keeping his distance, Connor faced him again and gripped the edge of the granite behind him.

  
Look- he missed Jack so much that he wasn't sure how he was going to even begin to think about moving on but _god, he was fucking irritating_.

  
“You’re obviously in a mood, so I'm not even going to say anything.” Connor shook his head with disbelief. “ _Jesus_ , I barely say a word and you're already trying to start a fight.”

  
“Well you know what, excuse me for being a little pissed at you for evaporating out of thin air with no word to anyone whatsoever.” Jack scoffed and gestured his arms wildly when Connor just stared at him. “Connor, you don't just take off like that. I mean did you even at least say anything to Mike? That's not cool, don't you think he was worried? You just can't do that.”

  
“You can't really tell me what I can and can't do.” Connor said quietly. He knew disappearing was a dick move. He really should have at least texted someone to let them know he was okay. But he wasn't going to give Jack the satisfaction of admitting it.

  
Jack made a noise of frustration. “You ignored everybody's calls for two weeks! I’m lucky you even picked up when I called. I mean, for all I know- you could’ve been dead.”

  
“Oh for the love of-,” Connor threw his hands up. “Okay now you're just being dramatic. Why do you care so much anyways?” His argument was weak, but there was too much he wanted to say already. All he was focusing on was not getting upset, though he already knew that wasn't going to happen.

  
“What do you mean, _why do I care_? Are you kidding?” Jack crossed his arms, Connor tried to ignore the muscles in his forearms moving underneath the skin. A wave of sadness hit him and he swallowed hard. He loved those arms, missed being held by them.

  
“You don't have to care anymore...isn't that what you wanted?”

  
Jack shoulders hunched over the slightest, “Why would you even say that?” His brow furrowed, leaving a deep crease in the middle of his forehead. Connor looked around the kitchen, focusing on anywhere that wasn't him because he was beginning to feel hot and itchy under his gaze. “You are so fucking stupid.” Jack said again.

  
Connor opened and closed his mouth a few times, until he finally settled on, “Don't call me stupid. I’m just saying, you don't have to worry about me.”

  
“...Like it’s just that easy.”

  
It was quiet for a few seconds. The air around them seemed to shift, not so tense anymore but now he felt anxious and he just needed to ask. “Why did you tell Dylan? You shoul-”

  
Jack cut in, “I only told him because he was freaking out about you, Connor. After I got ahold of your mom, and knew you were okay, I couldn't just let him keep...worrying about you. I’m sorry you shut everyone out, but that's not my fault. You can't be mad at me for that.”

  
“He’s not- you can't just-” Connor swallowed again, this time there was a lump in his throat. He wasn't truly upset that Jack decided to tell Dylan about them breaking up, but he was hanging onto that because he needed something to be upset at.

  
“Look, I didn't come in here to try and start a fight...just.” Jack pressed his lips together in a tight line and paused. “Stop saying I don't have to care about you anymore, okay? I'm hurt too, you think all this is fun for me?”

  
_Sure_ , he knew Jack wasn't the only one miserable but clearly he was just better at hiding it.

  
“You were the one that decided you didn't want to be with me anymore.” Connor lowered his voice a bit, remembering that anyone could walk in at any second. “Not me...I nev- don't just follow me in here and act like I’m the one that’s hurting you more.”

  
Jack let out a sarcastic laugh, “Oh I’m sorry, is it a competition? Who hurt who more? Jesus Christ, Connor. Why are you like this?” He let out a heavy breath and ran his hand through the ends his hair.

  
Connor had to bite his lip to keep him from saying anything else. This was really not the time and place to be doing this right now. “ _Jack_.” he uttered, not liking the way his voice cracked.

  
They held eye contact a few moments, and Jack swayed a little to his left, “Fine.”

  
Just then, someone with a upside down pair of sunglasses perched on their head barged in, “Ha- Oh shit sorry, am I interrupting something?” _Thank god_.  
  
He watched as Jack shook his head, tearing his gaze away from Connor and stalk out of the kitchen.

  
Connor recognized the guy, clearly he was not great at sensing tension and started shuffling through the cupboards. “Hey man, you see any extra solo cups in here?”  
  
***

  
It was nearing 8 o’clock and people were starting to clear out. Jack hadn't attempted to talk to him anymore, but kept shooting glances and staring at him like he was oblivious to it. Coming out of the bathroom, he nearly ran into Mikey and had to put his hands on his shoulder to steady him. “Hey I’m gonna take off, do you have a ride back home or?”  
  
“Oh, uh I kinda walked here bu-”  
  
“Come on, I have my car.” Mikey smiled, nodding to the door. Connor shoved his hands in his pockets. He sort of wanted to stay longer but Mikey was giving him a insistent look. “Yeah. Okay. Let me just tell them I’m leaving.”

  
As if on cue, he felt an arm sling around his shoulders and turned to see it was Dylan who was shoving a plate covered in saran wrap with leftovers. “You gonna go?”  
  
“Yeah, thanks for-,” he lifted the plate up. “-this.” Dylan chuckled and leaned in for a proper hug, “I’m glad you’re back, Davo. Try to not disappear on us again. That kinda really sucked.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll text you later, tell Mitch I said bye.” Before heading out the door, Connor gave a once over to the living room where Jack was standing around with Noah and a brunette girl who was laughing at something. He caught Jack’s eye and gave an awkward wave that Jack just blinked at.  
  
_Oh for fucks sake, like he hasn't been staring at me all night_ , Connor thought as he rolled his eyes for what must have been the fifteenth time that evening, not caring if Jack saw or not. He wondered if Jack intentionally tries to get under his skin, even more so now that they're not together anymore. He felt himself getting choked up at the thought of that.

  
Mikey was outside waiting in his car, with the engine on and seat belt fastened. His head was turned towards the back seat where he was trying to talk to Nate, who was now actually drunk, into drinking some water.  
  
“Aww, babe I warned you, and now you're gonna have a hangover tomorrow,” Mikey frowned in the rear view mirror then glanced at him, “Is it cool with you if he spends the night?”

  
Connor may or may not have slammed his door shut with a little more force than needed. It shouldn't bother him. But it only reminded him of how he was going to bed alone tonight.

  
Reminded him all the times he’s had to babysit Jack when he got drunk, how his eyes always got a little shiny and his already blotchy cheeks would spread, making his entire face a happy shade pink that Connor always wanted to smother with kisses.  
  
From the back seat, there was some mumbling. “I didn't even get t’ say bye to anyone, Miiiike.”

  
“Shh...go to sleep.” Mikey said with a smile, and then glanced at Connor like he wanted to say something.

  
“Of course, I don't mind.” he finally answered, looking out the window. He wished he and Jack could have been like Mikey and Nate. Everything seemed easy with them. He’s never seen them argue or even disagree on anything serious, they were just always on the same page.  
  
“So...did you talk to Jack at all tonight?”

  
Despite how the night ended up turning out, he was glad for their little argument in the kitchen earlier. It showed Jack still wanted to be in his life and Connor just wanted to still feel wanted by him.  
  
But then he goes and pulls that shit where he’s starring Connor down all night, and gives him a blank look like he’s not sure why Connor was waving at him. It’s not like Connor wasn't going to wave bye. Especially since they made direct eye contact and well... _were together for four fucking years_.  
  
“Um, we said hi and that's pretty much it.” Mikey nodded, not saying anything further and instead turned the radio up. And yeah, Connor always liked Mikey.  
  
***

  
Connor used to bite his nails really bad, a disgusting habit he manage to kick to the curb because Jack would always smack his hand away and scold him whenever he caught him doing it.  
  
Connor blames Mitch for causing him to start biting his nails again.  
  
Dylan’s birthday lands on a Saturday. Mitch calls him on Monday, going on about how he wants everyone to come out the lake for the weekend as a surprise, which yeah he kinda figured.

  
“So me and Dylan are heading up there on Thursday but he only thinks that it’s just going to be the two of us and I was thinking it would be cool if we surprise him by having all of us there. So he won't know anything ‘bout you guys coming until we actually get there, are you following me here?” Mitch explains. As if it were some really elaborate plan he had. There are some rustles on the other line then a weird clunk sound and Connor has to check if he’s still on the line or not because it got silent for a few seconds.  
  
“Um? Hello-”  
  
“Yeah I’m here, just dropped my phone. So whatcha think?”  
  
“How did you drop your phone?” Connor asks curiously.

  
Mitch clicks his tongue, “I’m trying to wash some dishes here dude. I gotta get this done before your dumb best friend comes home and _yells_ at me for not cleaning up despite the fact that he’s the one that uses all these dishes. He literally lets them pile up for days, I ha- will you answer my question?”  
  
“Eh...I guess it sounds like a good plan, ‘course I’ll be there.” He likes to make Mitch sweat a little sometimes.  
  
“Cool, I’ll do a group text with all the details.”  
  
“Okay, so who are you inviting? Like who’s coming?”  
  
This is where he started to bite his nails. It’s a completely subconscious move. He honestly doesn't even think about when his fingernails graze his bottom lip before fitting them in between his teeth just the very slightest and clamping down, until he realizes that he’s anxious to hear if a certain name will come out of Mitch’s mouth.  
  
He only bit his nails when he was anxious.  
  
“Well there’s you, Mikey and Nathan and uh- you know him and Jack are pretty close?” Mitch’s voice pitched at the end, like he was asking Connor a question. “I wanted to invite Jack...is that okay with you?”  
  
Connor was working on actually tearing off a corner piece and only stopped to answer a quick “Oh yeah, no that's totally fine.”

  
Mitch sighed a little, making the line all static-y. “Connor, if it’s gonna be too awkward for you…”  
  
“No it’s fine, I’ll be fine. Besides it’s for Dylan, right? It’s not about me.”  
  
“I- I still want you to feel comfortable, you know? I don't want you guys to feel forced to be around each other all weekend and make things even more strained. _Believe me_ , that's the last thing I want. I’m still trying to febreeze away the weirdness you left in my house from last week.”  
  
Connor laughed at that. “Yeah well…Mitch I’ll be fine. Invite him, okay? He shouldn't have to miss out on Stromer’s birthday just because...we broke up.” He ran his teeth over his nails one more time before forcing himself to sit on his hand.

  
“Alright, you had your chance. Don’t come crying to me when Dyl’s birthday cake ends up on the floor because you and Eichel were fighting over who’s gonna light the candles.”  
  
He rolled his eyes, “Why would either of us want to light the candles? Isn't that supposed to be your job…? Anyways, I gotta go.” Connor ended the call before Mitch could answer. _Well_ , he thought, _this might as well be a couples trip_.  
  
***

  
So here's the thing: It’s not like Connor and Jack don’t _talk at all anymore_ , the breakup is still so fresh they just don't _talk as much_ obviously. And when Jack texts him Wednesday night asking him how he was getting up to the lake come Thursday- Connor’s not _totally_ surprised or anything.  
  
He was literally just going to ride with Nate and Mikey since it made sense but then Jack sends him another text asking if he wanted to drive with him since it's a good two hour drive and he probably didn't want to drive alone.

  
He is a tiny bit surprised though just because they didn't leave off on such a good note at Dylan’s house last week and this is the first time they’ve texted since then. It's really probably not a good idea but that sure as hell doesn't stop him from texting back ‘ **yeah sure** ’ but only after a full five minutes have gone by because he doesn't want to seem like he's just waiting around to hear from his ex boyfriend all day.  
  
Really, that's how he ends up cursing Jack’s entire existence when he’s a good _forty-five minutes_ late picking him up on Thursday morning.

  
“You said _9 am sharp_.” Connor seethed out when Jack finally pulled up. He threw his bag in the backseat carelessly and slammed the door as hard as he could. “You made such a big deal about wanting to leave early then you show up almost an hour late. You could have at least texted you know. Thanks for making me worry all morning and pissing me off.”  
  
All last night, Jack sent relentless texts about being ready on time because it was going to be in the high 90’s by noon and he didn't want to deal with driving in the heat.

  
Connor huffed out a breath and settled into the passenger side. “Well?”

  
Jack didn't say anything, but the stone cold look on his face made Connor forget why he was so angry and he turned towards him completely. “Jack…? Are you okay?”  
  
He didn't answer and instead shook his head, lips sealed shut in a tight line. “Jack-” Connor reached over to place his hand over his, getting worried for real now. “Look at me, what's the matter? Did something happen?”  
  
“It- it’s my grandma. She passed away this morning.” Jack said quietly, his voice strained. He wasn't looking at Connor, but straight ahead out of the window. His hands that were gripping the steering wheel, knuckles turning white. Connor squeezed tighter.

  
“My dad called right when I was about to leave and I- I was just trying to get it together. I’m sorry I was so late.”  
  
“ _Oh, Jack_.” Connor unbuckled his seatbelt, and leaned over the middle console over to wrap his arms around him, hand coming up to cup the back of his head. “God, I'm so sorry.”

  
Jack leaned into the touch and took a deep breath through his nose. “It’s okay.” he whispered quietly.

  
Connor rubbed his back for a few seconds and without thinking, he pressed a light kiss to the side of his neck as a comforting gesture before they pulled away. “How did...it happen?”

  
“No- just natural causes. She just went to sleep and didn't wake up. I mean she was really old. It was bound to happen sooner or later.” Jack stated, still not looking at him.

  
Connor had only met her a handful of times, she lived all the way back in the States- in Boston. He remembers the first time he’d met Lydia, four months after they had started dating officially and all three of them had went out for brunch.

  
_He and Jack sat in the car for a moment before heading into the restaurant. Connor was nervous. What if she didn't like him? Jack was super close to his grandma, her opinion on him was going to matter to Jack.  
  
Jack got out of the car and went over to Connor’s door and opened it. “Come on, she’s waiting inside.”  
  
“What if she doesn't like me?”  
  
“What are you saying, she’ll love you.” Jack smiled, holding the door open. Connor slowly unbuckled his seatbelt, “Jack seriously, what if she doesn't like me? How do you know she won't?”  
  
Jack leaned in close, so that Connor could see all the faint freckles that dotted Jack’s face and the slight pinkness on the bridge of his nose from the sunburn he was still healing from. “How do I know she’ll love you? Because I love you.” Jack assured and kissed him once chastely on the lips, then on the corner of his mouth and once more on his jaw before pulling away with an impatient tug on his arm.  
  
“Now come on, it’ll be fine.”  
  
Connor liked the way it sent his heart into a whirlwind._

_  
Keeping his eyes on Jack, he slowly edged off the seat. “Wait,” He swung his hand forward to link their fingers together. “I love you too.”  
  
It’s not the first time they’ve said it but for some reason it felt like it, every time. Jack grinned and rolled his eyes playfully, “Stop being so cute.”  
  
Lydia had smiled at him warmly and didn't hesitate to embrace him in a hug so sweet it made his eyes water slightly.  
  
“It’s so nice to finally meet you, hun. Jack never stops talking about you.” She laughed, it sounded warm._

  
_Connor made sure to listen when she told about a million stories of when Jack was a kid and at some point when he glanced at Jack, he was watching the two of them with a fond look on his face._  
  
“She really loved you, you know.” Connor said, matching the softness of his voice. Jack wiped at his eyes quickly, though there were no tears and straightened out, “We should uh- get going.”  
  
“I know you don't want to talk about it right now and I'm not going to force you but you know if you want to talk, I'm right here Jack. I always am.” Connor put his seat belt back on with one last brush of his hand on Jack’s.

  
It wasn't until a couple of silent, long minutes later that Jack muttered so low that Connor almost didn't hear him, “I know."  
  
***

  
Unsurprisingly, they weren't the first ones to arrive at the vacation house they had rented out for the weekend.

  
“Good thing we left early, ‘cause we got the best room. What took you guys so long? Did you leave late?” Nathan beamed at them. His face was red from the afternoon sun and he just stood there watching them pull up into the driveway. He also stood there, again with his hands on his hips as he watched Jack lug their bags out of the car.  
  
Connor opened his mouth to change the topic but Jack beat him to it. “Man, you're not even gonna help?”

  
Jack was starting to sweat, and Connor most definitely _did not_ want to reach over and swipe at his upper lip. Instead, he grabbed his own duffel from Jack and swung it over his shoulder. Nate just stood there on the patio, shrugging. “I don't need to help you carry three bags in.”  
  
“Wow, nice place. How did Marner manage this?”

  
Connor was surprised, Mitch _actually_ _did good_. The house was a modern Spanish style house, in a little private gated community that was only about fifteen minutes from the lake. Connor was worried about all six of them being in such close quarters for four days but it looks like he didn't have to because of how spacious inside it was.  
  
“Hey, how was the drive?” Mikey greeted as he came out of the kitchen to joined them, with his phone in one hand and a cup in the other.  
  
Jack dropped his bags on the brown leather sectional, and wiped at his forehand with the back of his hand. “Let’s just say if I didn't have air conditioning in my car, I would have died. Why does it have to be so hot?”  
  
“It’s really not even that hot, you're just sensitive.” Nathan smiled. Still lingering in the doorway, Connor chuckled a little and looked around. “So where should I put my stuff?” he asked, looking mostly to Nate since he seemed to have scoped the place out already.

  
“ _Oh_ , okay-” Nathan started, looking at Mikey who was already staring at him with an uncomfortable look on his face. “Since there only three rooms...someone’s gonna have to sleep on the couch.” Mikey finished awkwardly for him.

  
“Yeah so...we’ll let you figure that out.” Nathan added with an eyebrow quirk.  
  
Jack kept on looking at him like he was waiting for Nathan to say just kidding. But he never did so Jack tore his gaze away and let his eyes fall on Connor, “I’ll-”  
  
“No, it’s cool. I’ll take the couch.” Connor interrupted. Jack’s already had a hard morning, he shouldn't have to sleep on a stiff couch all weekend.  
  
“You sure? We can switch tomorrow night if you want?” he suggested, already turning away to find his room.

  
Connor shook his head even though Jack couldn't see it. “No...I’m gonna put my bag in your room if that’s okay.”

  
Jack took a step backwards and held his hand out to take Connor’s bag from him, then disappeared down the hall with Nathan.  
  
The car ride had been mostly quiet, not uncomfortable quiet, just _quiet_. Connor had fiddled with the radio too much and played his phone while Jack focused on the road and listened to him ramble on about nothing. He even made the occasional comment about other drivers but Jack didn't say anything further about his grandmother and that was fine. Connor wasn't going to press.

  
He sat down on the couch, leaning his head back with a sigh. Mikey plopped down next to him without a word.

  
“When’s Mitch coming?” Connor wondered aloud.

  
“Mmm. Like later….”

  
He snorted, “Helpful, thanks.”

  
“I’m trying to figure out if we should chill here until then or go check out the lake. We can go swim or something?” Mikey proposed, raising his eyebrows.  
  
Connor nodded, trying to remember if he bought any sunscreen. He hoped someone else brought some. Jack definitely wouldn't have remembered, he was pretty forgetful with stuff like that. “I'm kinda tired.”

  
Mikey knocked his knee into his, “How’re you doin?”

  
Connor let out a breathy laugh because he couldn't help it, “Everything's fine. We’re good.”  
  
“You look a little sad but then again you always look a little sad,” he shrugged. Connor was about to protest but Mikey decided to continue.“So does Jack actually. Did you guys get into a fight in the car?”

  
Connor shook his head tentatively. He wasn't sure if Jack was going to tell anyone what happened earlier this morning and if not, he wasn't going to say anything. It wasn't his place. “No, we didn't get into a fight. We’re good, trust me. I think he's just tired also.”  
  
Mikey frowned, staring intently at a spot on the carpet. “How can you be tired from a two hour drive?”  
  
Connor jumped visibly when a hand slapped down on his shoulder and swatted at Nathan when he snickered evilly.

  
He watched Nate knock Mikey’s feet down from where they were perched on the coffee table and proceeded to sit heavily on his lap. Clearly, Mikey wasn't ready for it because he made a noise like the air just got knocked out of him.

  
“ _Stop_.” Mikey instructed as he tried to wriggle out from underneath him.  
  
Nate was pretending to focused on his phone, a knowing grin on his face so Mikey lightly shoved at his back, “Ge’doff, you'll break my legs!”

  
They went at it for a few more seconds until Mikey gave up, throwing his head back with a groan. “Babe.”

  
Nathan let out a high pitched laugh and gave him wide eyes, “ _Mike_ , I’m not doing anything.” But he still slid off his lap, sneaking under Mikey’s arm and when Mikey didn't push him away, he leaned up to press a tiny kiss to his jaw. “Sorry, not sorry.”

  
Connor cleared his throat and shifted his eyes back to Mikey, who nodded his head to Nate. “You see this? I have to deal with this all day.”  
  
It was probably a little weird to just be watching them and all their _happiness_ so he let out a blatantly fake laugh and stood up too fast because he felt vaguely dizzy, “Be right back.”  
  
He wandered around the house a little, checking all the rooms out and when he passed Jack’s room, the door was slightly ajar. He pushed it open a little further and poked his head in, “D’you have my bag?”

  
Jack was laying down on his back, staring up at the ceiling with one of his hands casually curled up on his stomach. It made his shirt bunch up a little so that Connor got a glimpse of hipbone and he thought of how Jack’s hair was going to have a flat spot in the back when he got up later.

  
Jack looked at Connor and nodded over to the closet, where both of their bags sat, untouched. “What are you doing?”  
  
“I’m gonna take a shower. Those two are being weird out there.” Connor grabbed a new pair of boxers and some basketball shorts. “What are _you_ doing?”  
  
Jack hummed lowly, “Jus’ thinking.”

  
He didn't have to guess to hard what was on Jack’s mind. The fact he wasn't there when his grandmother passed was probably nagging at him the most. The last time he saw her was last February, when he and Connor went to Boston to visit.

  
Connor came around to sit of the very edge of the bed, “I...I know I already said this but you know I'm here for you.” he said. Jack sighed audibly.

  
“Jack, it’s been hard-” Connor gestured between them. “with us but you’re always going to be one of my best friends.” He focused on the denim covered leg that rested only inches beside him and when Jack didn't say anything, Connor cursed himself. _He wasn't trying to make this about him_.  
  
After a few seconds Jack slowly sat up, scooting down to sit beside him with one leg tucked underneath. “I’m trying not be too sad about her dying. I don't think she’d want me sitting around crying all night.” He ran his hands over his face, rubbing at his eyebrows.

  
Connor nodded, “She definitely wouldn't.”

  
Jack let out a tired laugh, “You know what I was thinking about? When we saw her last year, and she took us to that one mexican restaurant, the one with the-”  
  
“Margaritas.” Connor finished. He smiled at the memory, it was one of the few he had of her. “She got us so drunk that night. Remember how when we got back to her house, she just went straight to sleep like it was nothing and we were up until like, four am because we were too fucked up to sleep?”  
  
Jack shook his head, still chuckling like he couldn't help it. It was a nice sound. “I wonder how on earth she slept through the night with how loud we were being. I think she got us that drunk on purpose by the way.”  
  
“Yeah. She was fun to hang out with, we always had a good time with her.” And genuinely, she was. Connor wasn't just saying this to make him feel better, although he hoped it did. Even if it was just a little bit.  
  
Jack was now looking at him with a soft smile on his lips. His eyes were sort of half lidded, like he’d just woken up from a deep sleep and that look was so familiar that Connor had to take a deep breath.

  
“You know, she always really liked you.”

  
Of course he knew that, because _Jack loved him_. Connor nodded slowly, breaking eye contact because the way Jack was looking at him right now was too much to take in.

  
“I uh, I never told her we broke up, just cause _you know_ -” Jack paused, leaning forward so he could move his leg out from where he was sitting in it. “She told me once that if I was gonna ever get married someday, that it’d better be to you or she’d disapprove.”  
  
Even though Jack had said it with an amused look, which felt empty, Connor’s stomach still sank, “That’s....”  
  
“I’m not like,” Jack adjusted himself once more, suddenly fidgety. “I’m just saying, Connor. I always wanted that, you know?”  
  
When he finally looked up, Jack was studying his face and he looked for a long time before getting off the bed with a jerky move. “Anyway, I should let you go shower. I think I’m gonna hang out with the guys out there so...”  
  
Connor watched him leave and he shut the door behind him so he was just left alone. Okay.

  
Jack can't just say things _like that_ and then just _leave_.  
  
In the four years they were together, marriage really never came up. However, Connor always knew Jack wanted to be married at some point in his life. He wanted to have a family, along with the dog and white picket fence. Quite honestly Connor never had really given any of that much thought and it didn't really occur to his stupid brain until just now that Jack had hoped to have all of that with Connor.

  
_Maybe he still does? Maybe Jack saying that meant something? Did he want to get back together?_ Connor had no idea how Jack felt- could be feeling about the idea of them getting back together. All he knew was that Jack was the absolute king at giving him mixed signals.

  
That was something that would never change.

  
Jack was probably just in a really vulnerable place right now and that's why he said that.

  
But Connor couldn't help but felt weirdly energized from that conversation and the way Jack had just been looking at him...it wasn't how you looked at someone you just broke up with.  
  
***

  
The look on Dylan’s face- really when wasn't Dylan's face ridiculous- was _priceless_.

  
Truly, he was surprised and shortly after that, came the “Oh...wow. You guys are all here...” along with the fake show of excitement that Connor didn't understand how Mitch was so oblivious to.

  
He had to bite his lip really hard in order to stifle the laugh that bubbled up inside him when Mikey let out a small and actually very sad, “ _Surprise_!”

  
Dylan twisted back to look at Mitch, who was all wide stretch of mouth and too much teeth to comprehend. And it really did show how self unaware Mitch was when he tipped forward on the balls of his feet with a giggle, “I knew you would like your surprise!  
  
“Yeah...you brought everyone here. Wow, I'm so glad you did that, babe.” Dylan turned back to them with raised eyebrows and a casual look of disgust that Mitch couldn't see. “Are you guys here for the _entire_ weekend?”

  
Jack smiled, mockingly because this was hilarious, “Of course, you get to spend all weekend with us. You're boy treats you well, Stromer.” Connor elbowed him in the ribs when he muttered a low “ _Whipped_.” under his breath.  
  
“I do treat you well, you better remember that Dylan.” Mitch agreed, leaning up up to grab Dylan's chin for a chaste kiss. “Real quick, I’m gonna go grab our bags. Anyone hungry?”  
  
Close to an hour later, they ended up at a sushi bar somewhere in the next town over. Since since they took two separate cars, Connor had the chance to lean over from the backseat and jab Dylan in the side of his neck. “That was so funny, maybe next time don’t get so overly excited.”  
  
“Shut up. When he said a trip up to the lake, I didn't know he meant with _you guys_. I thought it was supposed to be a romantic weekend.”  
  
“Yeah, there’s a reason why it’s called a surprise.” Nathan said with a snort. Dylan just rolled his eyes, scrolling through his phone.

  
They came to a stop light and Nate tapped out a rhythm on the steering wheel, only stopping to add, “You think I wanted to come just to listen to you guys going at it all night long for three days straight?”  
  
Dylan glared at him all the while still disinterestedly batting Connor’s hand away. “Who said it would only be at night? We can go all day long, baby.”

  
Nate pretended to gag exaggeratedly and made a wide turn that was so swift that Connor had to hold onto the door handle so he wouldn't fall over completely.  
  
“At least none of you are sleeping alone on the couch tonight.”

  
Connor once again, cursed himself for making it about him because what was a nice, teasing moment for them turned into an awkward silence.

  
Dylan coughed and fiddled with the AC. “Uh so, like you can blame Mitch for that.”  
  
“ _God, Stromer your boyfriend is so problematic_.” Nathan mocked, glancing back at Connor with a smirk which made him roll his eyes.

  
“I was just joking...” Connor tried, although it was clearer than day that he wasn't.

  
Anyways, the sushi was mediocre at best. He was glad that everyone wasn't pairing off like he expected, now that would have really made it awkward. Still, Connor made a point to sit as far as he could from Jack without it being totally obvious.

  
He tried to focus on the conversation about water skiing that was going on but gave up after a while because he couldn't stop thinking about how Jack was sitting two seats across from him, laughing and shooting glances at him every now and then. Generally, acting like nothing at all happened today.

  
Connor was so confused. _What’s new_.

  
He understood keeping quiet about his grandma, Jack didn't want to bring the vibe down and it was Stromer’s birthday so yeah, he gets it. But then he also mentioned he had lowkey wanted to marry Connor, while practically staring into his soul.  
  
“Did that tuna roll do something to you?” Mikey said, bringing him back to reality. “You look like it just told you to fuck off or something.”

  
Shaking his head, Connor tried to play it off like he zoned out for a second. He really wasn't even hungry, “You want this?”  
  
“Nah, I’m already full. Jack, do you want this?” Mikey leaned back so he could poke at him, trying to get his attention.  
  
Jack looked at the plate with distaste, “I don-”  
  
“He doesn't eat tuna.” Connor said, the same time Jack was about to refuse it. Mikey looked between them for a second, then just shrugged, putting the plate back down on the table.  
  
Connor didn't realize he was biting at his nails until he looked up and Jack was staring at him. _Again_.  
  
***

  
It was nice to sleep in a little the next day. He woke up at eleven, and assumed everyone else was still sleeping because he didn't hear any noises in the house. He decided to lounge around and watch TV for a bit before getting up to start the coffee.  
  
“Oh, you beat me to it.”

  
Connor startled and turned around to a bleary eyed Jack. All he was wearing was his ratty plaid pajama bottoms that Connor knew was his favorite pair.  
  
“I would have made it earlier but I was too lazy.” Connor said. Jack hummed and disappeared into the living room.

  
Connor certainly _did not_ stare at the way his shoulder blades stuck out and definitely _did not_ want to kiss away the red pillow crease on his cheek. But also, he _really totally did_.

  
He felt a tug in his heart when came back out to the living room with two cups of coffee and Jack was sitting in the same spot where Connor had been lying down and he had the blanket thrown over his lap with his feet tucked in.

  
“Thanks.” Jack said, taking the cup from him and Connor couldn't help but look a little longer as he sat down on the opposite end. Jack had a bit of sleep stuck in the corner of his eye and his eyes fluttered when he took a sip. “How’d you sleep out here?”

  
“Took me a while, couches aren't the most comfortable to sleep on.” Connor said and when Jack changed the channel without asking, it was fine. “Want me to sleep here tonight? I really don't mind.” he asked.

  
“No, that's really okay.” Connor assured. He was trying really hard to watch the TV but the last time they spent a morning together felt like forever ago, and all he really wanted to do right now was curl up beside Jack and go back to sleep. That wasn't something he could do anymore though.  
  
Once everyone was up and alive for the day, they headed down to the lake. It was pretty hot out again, but a bit cooler than yesterday so they walked the little trail down to the lake since it wasn't that far.

  
Once they neared the sand dunes, Mitch was the first one to take off running and Connor watched him cannonball off the old creaky dock that looked the exact same as it did the last time he was here.

  
Nate made a comment on scaring the all the fish away permanently and Jack just looked on with a grimace. He was wearing those ridiculous blue tinted sunglasses that made his face look dumb and Connor grinned.  
  
Jack didn't like fish, always said they made him feel weird but Connor knew deep down, he was never going to admit he was just scared shitless of them. “I’m gonna just work on my tan.”  
  
Dylan tapped him on the shoulder, “What _tan_? You’re so white, you’ll probably just end up catching on fire.”

  
They all laughed except for Jack, who glared at him and Connor heard him mutter something about _seeing who's going to end up catching on fire_.

  
The water was pleasantly chilly. A nice, icy shock when he jumped in. He’d always really enjoyed swimming. Liked to be underwater, seeing just how long he could hold his breath for. Sometimes he opened his eyes, sometimes kept them closed, letting himself take the opportunity to do nothing but be surrounded water.  
  
It sort of gave him an adrenaline rush, when he held his breath for too long and his lungs started to burn. How it made him feel slightly dizzy and lightheaded like he was on the _verge_ of something but always comforted by the bright streak of the sunshine that shone through and reminded him not to stay down there too long. It was great.

  
He felt a limb brush up against his back and let himself easily float upwards. It took himself a few minutes for his eyes to adjust to the light when he emerged from the water.

  
He could tell Mitch, Dylan and Mikey were somewhere behind him because of their voices, and almost swam towards them until he realized they were in a splashing match and Connor wasn't really in the mood to be splashed.  
  
Instead he spotted Jack sitting on the dock, leaned back on his elbows talking to Nathan. Both of them were laughing at something.

  
Connor floated on his back, still watching them with a smile on his own face. They looked so relaxed and content, he liked seeing his friends happy.

  
He didn't realize Jack was looking right back at him, and smiling back before tilting his head back to let the sun hit his face. He hoped Jack put sunscreen on or he going as red as a lobster in a few hours.  
  
Connor thought about swimming over there to ask, but suddenly he was underwater again and being held down. His arms flailed wildly at his sides but the pressure on his shoulders only lasted a few seconds.

  
“The fuck!” he sputtered out, trying to catch his breath.

  
All he heard was an “ _Oh shit_!” and a crazy sounding laugh and when he wiped the water from his eyes, he caught Dylan doggie paddling away hurriedly.

  
“Hey, you _asshole_.” Connor yelled after him and swam after so he could kick him underwater.  
  
Dylan tried to dunk him a few more times, trying to catch him off guard so Connor couldn't stay in the water for too much longer.

  
“What if there were piranhas in there? Who do you think they would eat first? I’m betting on Marner.” Jack asked lazily. He’d been lounging on the dock all this time, watching them swim and was currently using Connor’s towel over his head as shade before Connor snatched it away to pat himself dry.  
  
He laid the towel down next to Jack and sat down on it, letting Jack scoot over so they could share it. “Mmm, I think I would probably throw you in to save Mitch. Gotta take one for the team.”  
  
Jack lightly smacked his arm but laughed anyway, “I would just bring you down with me. Come on, Connor you can’t get rid of me that easy. Think you would’ve figured that out by now.”  
  
There was a moment of uneasiness between them. Connor looked away, turning his attention back at the lake.  
  
“ _Yeah_.” Connor agreed, pointedly. It was true after all.

  
Jack shot a glance at him and cleared his throat. “Right...” he trailed off.  
  
When they got back to the house, everyone was tired and starving. Mitch offered to go get dinner and bring it back, but was kept bugging Connor to come along.  
  
“No dude. I already told you, I'm gonna go lie down for a bit.” Connor groaned out for the _thousandth_ time, and rolled his eyes at the pouty face Mitch was making. “But someone needs to help me carry everything back in!”

  
“Then tell Mikey to go with you then or go tell Jack.”  
  
He waved over to Jack, where he was sitting at the kitchen island on his phone, googling local take out places. Jack frowned, “I’m too tired.” and went back to his phone. Connor walked up behind him to peer at his screen, his arm accidentally brushing against Jack’s back. “You smell gross, like a wet dog. You should really do something about that.”

  
Connor knocked him into the counter. “Fuck off.” His patience with anyone was wearing pretty thin due to the lack of food in his system and being pretty sore from swimming all day. “Will you just go to make him shut up? He won't _stop_.”

  
Mitch was grinning sweetly at them, not seeming to mind being talked about like he wasn't there. Jack made a strangled noise from his throat and dropped his head in the crook of his arm. “Fine. Let's go Marner.”

  
When he got up, he touched Connor’s side shoving him aside with an annoying grin as he went to go get his shoes. Mitch still in the room with them, grabbed someone's car keys and lingered around with Connor. “Dude, chill. You're so on edge right now.”

  
“Your giving me a headache.” Connor muttered and Mitch ignored it. “Should we get tequila or vodka for tomorrow? Both?” When Connor didn't answer, he replied to himself, “Both it is.”

  
Jack came back out, now with shoes and a thin sweater because it was only a little chilly outside. He shoved Connor again on his way out the door because it was pretty obvious that Connor was irritated and he just loved to get under his skin.

  
After a long, hot shower, he ended up pushing open the door to Dylan's room. “What’s up?” he said, looking up at Connor.  
  
“Nothin.” Connor tumbled down on the bed, laying down next to him. “You're turning 26 tomorrow.”

  
Dylan chuckled a little, “Mitch says he has a surprise for me and I’m scared.”

  
“Oh god, I can't wait to see what other surprises he has for you.” Connor laughed and stole some blanket from him, sinking further into the bed with a happy sigh. “I feel better now that I took a shower.”

  
Dylan set his phone down on the nightstand and flipped onto his other side so that he was facing Connor. “I saw you and Jack today, it looked like you guys were getting along.”

  
Connor still hasn't talked to Dylan about the breakup in details. He guessed, he should have known it would come up at some point. “We’re still friends and everything, Dyl.”

  
He folded an arm behind his head and bit the inside of his cheek. Connor never really talked about their relationship problems either, Dylan knew very little about what had been going on and honestly he was in no hurry to talk about it. It's not like it was good times or anything.

  
“We’re just not friends that kiss anymore.”

  
Dylan’s eyes softened, seemingly matching the tone of his voice, “Are you ever gonna tell me why you guys broke up? I mean, it was so _random_ , and neither of you wants to talk about it...you can't exactly blame us for thinking you guys hate each other now.”  
  
“Stromer…”  
  
“Connor. Come on, what happened? Did someone cheat?” Dylan asked carefully. Connor immediately felt bad for some reason, Dylan looked concerned now with squinted eyes. So he took a deep breath and pulled at a loose thread on Dylan’s shirt.  
  
“No, of course not. I would never -” He felt himself starting to get teary eyed and tried his best to swallow it down. “We were just...it had been rough for a while, y'know? We were fighting a lot, we weren't like even sleeping in the same bed most of the time because we just didn't want to be around each other because all we were doing was arguing or not talking and it just got to a point where-” Connor paused for a moment to think, “I guess he just felt it couldn't be fixed.”  
  
Dylan scoffed loudly, “But you guys had been together for four years! Did that not mean anything to Jack?”

  
He sounded just as upset as Connor had been the first time Jack suggested they take a break, the morning after they’d had a particularly bad night. He remembers waking up on the couch with Jack sitting on the edge of the cushion and the serious look on his face made Connor knew something bad was coming.  
  
_Jack was holding a cup of coffee out for him. “Morning.” His shoulders were stiff, eyebrows pulled together tight._

_  
Connor took it, their fingers brushing. “I’m sorry.” he said._

_  
Jack leaned in to hug him and buried his face Connor’s neck. “Me too.”  
  
Connor set his cup down on the floor so he could wrap his arms around Jack’s waist. When he pulled back to search for the kiss that let him know they were okay, Jack clung onto him, his fingers digging in the muscle in Connor’s back._

_  
“Connor.” Jack whispered.  
  
“What’s wrong?” Connor frowned. Usually after a fight, the next day they would do the sweeping under the rug thing and move on. There was something different now though, too much hesitation on Jack’s end.  
  
Jack waited a few seconds and inhaled sharply before linking their fingers together and staring down at their hands clasped. “I think we should take a break for a while.”  
_  
Connor remembers storming off to the bathroom, trying to hold back frustrated tears and completely _failing_. What a way to start your morning. He remembers how Jack didn't even follow him or call after him and how utterly shitty that made him feel, like Jack didn't even care. How Connor sat on the bathroom floor for close to two hours and when he came back out, Jack was sitting in the same spot on the couch, his mouth twisted into a tight lipped frown. Connor remembers wanting Jack to feel bad, for even suggesting that they ‘ _take a break_ ’, whatever that meant. And that happened about four or five more times before they actually broke up. The last time being the most painful, both of them had been crying that day because it hurt too much. Sometimes, Connor thinks about how Jack didn't even speak to him for the next few days, refusing to even make eye contact. He supposes it was because Jack felt like shit for breaking up with him, but also, maybe a little guilty but so did Connor- for letting their relationship turn into _this_.

  
But he didn't want Dylan to be angry at Jack. It took Connor a while to realize that they had took a turn for the worse, and it was unhealthy for both of them. It took him a while to realize that Jack breaking up didn't mean he didn't love Connor anymore or that he didn't want Connor in life because he told him that the day Connor moved out.  
  
“It’s not- please don’t think that this all his fault. I mean, it was both of us...we were both the problem. It was really for the best.” Connor said with confidence even if he was still trying to believe it himself.  
  
“But you're my best friend.” Dylan told him, as if that were a good enough reason to get angry. “You guys seemed so happy though, and you guys loved each so much, I just don't get it. And you guys seem all buddy-buddy now.”  
  
Connor met his eyes, “I love him so much, Dylan. I don't really know what to do right now and I don't want to lose him as a friend too. I'm… just really sad right now and I'm trying to deal with this.”  
  
Dylan’s eyes softened even more and he threw an arm around him, “I'm sorry, Davo. I just want for you to be happy.”

  
It was hard not to get emotional when Dylan yanked him in for a hug. It was hard not to think about how long they really did repress all their issues for and how long he and Jack tiptoed around each other because at the time, they were just too fragile. Connor squeezed back and let himself be held.  
  
***

  
“God, I ache all over.” Connor straightened out, trying to twist his torso the best he could while crouched down on the floor. He was in Jack’s room, looking for the phone charger that Jack stole from him the night before.

  
In bed still, Jack watched uselessly as Connor went through all of his things.  
  
“Did you lose it or something? Is that why you don't want to tell me where it is?” Connor asked, unzipping the front pocket on his bag and tossing it in the floor once he found nothing in there. He was sure Jack has misplaced it, Jack was always losing things.

  
It should have been unattractive the way Jack grinned at him, still soft and sleepy. The broad fill of his sunburned shoulders shouldn't have grabbed Connor’s attention for that long and the way Jack kicked the blankets off so that his bare chest was exposed shouldn't have made Connor want to press kisses up and down him until Jack was squirming with it. But it did.  
  
“It’s the couch. You can sleep in here tonight if you want.” Jack offered.

  
Connor gave him a pulling look, “And what, you’re gonna sleep on the couch? Wow, you’ve never done that before.” He knows Jack barely woke up and all and he wasn't trying to start a fight but he _really_ needed to charge his phone.

  
“ _Quiet_ ,” Jack rolled his eyes and bent down over the side of the bed while the lower half of his body strained to keep him up on the bed. From underneath the bedframe, he pulled out the charger. “I meant just sleep here in the bed. With me.”  
  
Connor crossed his arms and looked at him carefully. He wasn't sure what Jack was doing here. You don't just offer to share your bed with your ex like it's _not anything_.

  
Jack sensed his hesitancy though and tossed the charger over to him. “Or you could just suffer on the shitty couch and ruin your back. That’s fine with me.” he said, nonchalantly. However, there was that expectant, almost pleading look in his eyes that Jack probably didn't realize Connor could see from a mile away and he just looked so sweet right now and _look_ \- Connor was only human.  
  
If there was one thing he missed the most was, being close to Jack. For four years, he used to be able to touch, hold, kiss and be around Jack as much as he wanted. Jack’s been the only person Connor's ever really loved seriously, he’s always been a big part of Connor's life.

  
He missed falling asleep with him, with their feet tangled together and Jack’s arm draped over, holding onto him. He missed how Jack would ramble quietly next to him about whatever came to his mind until he fell asleep, and Connor would listen no matter how tired he was. Missed waking up with Jack, and his lax face being the first thing he saw and he missed the comfort and warmth that was _him_.  
  
“Fine, whatever.” Connor said as casually as he could but the cord slipped out of his hand and landed on his foot. He felt a blush starting to form on his cheeks- _why was that happening_ and he quickly bent down to snatch the charger back. On his way out, he glanced back over his shoulder, “You should get up and start getting ready. We’re supposed to be leaving soon.”  
  
They were going out for a quick brunch first, then to whatever big thing Mitch had planned. _That_ \- he wasn't too sure of.

  
Selfishly, Connor kinda hoped they wouldn't be doing anything physical because of his back but earlier when Mikey went out with him to go pickup a small birthday cake, he mentioned Mitch saying something about renting a boat in the bay but it wasn't a for sure thing.  
  
Turns out, Mitch somehow managed to pull a few strings _again_. They were in another small town along the coast, about an hour or so from where they were staying and certainly no one was complaining about cruising the bay.

  
“Dude we could go water skiing!” Nathan excited, almost spilling his beer when he motioned. The liquid slushed dangerously up to the rim of the glass bottle, making Mitch yank the bottle away from him, “Spill anything on the carpet and you're paying for it.”

  
“You can't water ski on the bay, that's not even legal.” Mikey claimed, idly as he struggled to pop the cap off of his own beer. Jack reached over and opened it for him with an not so subtle eye roll. “How do you still not know how to open a beer bottle?”  
  
Mitch looked around the boat. Like he was making sure everything was still in its place, nothing broken or scratched and his shoulders dropped slightly after It sunk in what Nate had said. “ _Oh, wow_. I didn't even think about water skiing until now. Sorry, Dyl.”

  
Dylan swatted at the back of Nate's head, “No, I don't need water skiing, Mitch. Don't worry, I love this.”

  
It was a little windy out, and it created a nice breeze on the back of Connor’s neck. He felt content enough in the moment to sit back and watch everyone laugh and make fun of Mitch about his inability to steer properly.  
  
Once the conversation died down, Connor zoned out on watching the sunset. Jack came over to sit next to him, holding out another beer for him to take. “Why’re you so quiet?” he smiled, knocking his knee into Connor’s.  
  
“Just enjoying the day.” Connor told him, the sunlight being a nice backdrop, creating a sort of glow around his silhouette. The bright red sunburn that started on the top of Jack's shoulders and ran all the way down his forearms stood out prominently, with the navy blue tank top he was wearing.  
  
“Hey-” Connor said, this time he was the one to knock his knee into Jack’s, “Why’d you wearing that shirt? You're all burnt."

  
Jack looked down at his arms where there was a distinct line of pink where it met with his normally pasty white skin. “I guess forgot to wear sunscreen.”  
Connor gave him a look and Jack shrugged wildly, “I don't know, you usually remind me or something. But I did remember today so I don't get double sunburnt.”  
  
Connor laughed quietly, “Still, you shouldn't be wearing a tank top, you’re just gonna irritate it even more. Do you want to switch shirts?” Good thing, he chose to wear one with quarter sleeves.

  
Jack touched a spot where it was starting to peel, his mouth twisting downward at the touch. “Yeah, I guess so.”  
  
It was a little embarrassing how quick Connor was to whip his shirt off, letting it fall on Jack's lap. Someone whooped and he glared back to where they had gained the full attention of the others.  
  
“We taking our shirts off? What's goin’ on over there guys?” Nate teased, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Dylan smacked his arm, where he was already slightly red from his own sunburn.  
  
Connor rolled his eyes at them. “I’m just giving him my shirt so his sunburn doesn't get any worse.”

  
Jack was clutching the shirt in his lap, and he felt his heart rate pick up when he noticed Jack's eyes skittering down his chest. “You uh- give me your shirt.” Connor reminded him.  
  
Thankfully, the attention was diverted from them when Mitch started shouted excitedly about seeing turtles swimming near them. Then came the all too serious protests from Mikey of how _turtles didn't even live in the bay_ , because apparently he was the expert here.  
  
He and Jack shared an amused smile, and Connor watched as he slipped his shirt on. The familiar tug of possessive crept up his spine when Jack ran his hands down his chest to smooth the fabric out, like he was also looking at how Connor’s shirt fit him.

  
What happened was, something felt different, shifted and it happened so suddenly that Connor had to take a minute to catch his breath.

  
Something felt _charged, intimate and romantic almost_.

  
Maybe it was because the air was cool and balmy and sky was turning a beautiful mixture of pinks and yellows, the water was so clear and pure looking that Connor couldn't help but feel all fuzzy inside when Dylan tugged Mitch under his arm. He watched as Dylan down to press a kiss to Mitch’s forehead and how Mitch’s rested his hand on Dylan's knee because he could.

  
Or maybe it was because how Jack was watching Nathan hook his chin over Mikey's shoulder to whisper something in his ear and how even Mikey looked perfectly content to let Nate hang all over him and the sappy grin on his face made Connor realize that quite literally, as cheesy as it sounded- _love was in the air_.  
  
He thought about how he wanted to be the only person Jack looked too for security, happiness and love. Connor wanted so badly to reach for him and fit his hand over the back of his neck, to lightly stroke and scratch the skin there because he missed the way Jack would shiver underneath him but lean back for more at the same time.

  
He ached to lay his head on Jack's shoulder and close his eyes because he missed the way Jack would tuck him under his arm and rub tiny circles over the tan skin on Connor’s shoulders.

  
Connor would bury his face in the side of his neck just to breathe in the woodsy cologne he always wore because he loved that scent and didn't get to inhale it as much as he wanted to anymore.

  
It was only when he felt a tap on his shoulder and there was a hand waving in front of his face that belong to Dylan and he realized all this time he had been staring at Jack.

  
Dylan gave him a questioning look but Connor ignored it. How could he not stare at Jack? Jack was so sweet, so beautiful and he missed him so much, that yearning pull in his stomach was making him feel so unbalanced that he didn't know what to do other than keep looking. So he did.

  
Jack was grinning humorously at something someone said and the corners of his eyes crinkled in a way that showed he was genuinely happy. He glanced at Connor out of the corner of his eye as if to make sure if he was laughing along and it made Connor’s heart _swell_ up so much, that he had to force himself to look away.  
  
***

  
“Why do you have so many hats?” Connor was sure he _giggled_ that one out because Mitch was wearing Dylan's birthday hat along with four other multicoloured cone hats piled on top of each other, which was hilarious because he had a good buzz going.

  
“Why don't you have any hats? That's the real question.” Mitch said as matter of factly, then held out a glass with salt on the rim. “Margarita?”

  
They just got done eating dinner- Mexican food as requested by Dylan and doing multiple tequila shots. The combination of drinking beer and wine coolers all day along with tequila made him want to gag a little but he was still down. Connor lapped carefully at the sour slushie with his tongue.

  
Mitch laughed a little meanly at him, but getting what he deserved when he split some of the liquid all over his chin and down his shirt. Connor nodded, “That’s what you get.”

  
“A couple of shots and your sloppy already?” Nathan quirked as entered the kitchen with the half eaten birthday cake.

  
There had also been some of that lying around at dinner but they didn't even sing Happy Birthday because Dylan had banned them from doing so.

  
“ _The amount of secondhand embarrassment I would feel for you guys is not even funny_.” Was what he announced to them earlier, while visibly cringing, which sort of just made Connor want to sing Happy Birthday even more.

  
Instead though, they did some shots and blew out the candles.  
  
“That's what he gets for drinking straight outta the blender and laughing at me.” Connor offered. He glanced back at Mitch and could help but wheeze a little because he was now wearing a five cone hats. _How_ he managed to slip another one on during the 2.5 seconds Connor wasn't paying attention to him- he will never know.

  
Nathan just grinned at them, seemingly unaffected by the cone hats. He slipped the cake in the fridge and poured himself another tequila shot. Connor made a show of gagging because _how was he doing that_.

  
If there was anyone that could hold the fuck out of their liquor, it was Nate. It was funny because Nate was the one that probably drank the most out of all of them and Mikey was such a poor lightweight, he’d had the least amount to drink tonight alone and was already _slurring_ his words.

  
Dylan yelled something about a game of Dominoes from the dining room which was hard to make out over the loud music that filled the house. “ _What_?!” Mitch yelled back.

  
“Dude, right in my ear.” Connor glared at him and Mitch pinched his arm. The music was lowered and Dylan yelled again. “Oh for fucks sake,” Mitch huffed and dropped the butter knife he was using to cut limes and stomped out to see what he wanted.

  
“Do another shot with me, just one more.” Nate said, elbowing him in the side and Connor whined. “I’ll throw up.”

  
“I bet Jack will do another.” It sounded like it was supposed to make Connor want to do the shot.

  
He raised his eyebrows and shrugged. “I'm sure he will, be my guest.”

  
Coincidentally, Mitch had Jack in tow when he came back. Jack was smiley and loosely hanging off his arm. “‘M not gonna play, just watch.” he was saying.  
  
“Do this shot with me, Eich’s?” Says Nathan, peering over at Connor to show.

  
Jack made a noise of agreement. “Kay.” he said as he stole a slice of lime, sucking on it before throwing the shot of tequila back.  
  
“Hey! Those are for my margaritas!” Mitch protested. Jack didn't waste a second mocking him in a very high pitched voice and before Mitch could shove him out of ‘ _his_ ’ kitchen, Connor pulled him along by his arm.

  
Dylan had been setting the Dominoes up with a very serious face. While Mikey sat beside him babbling about...whatever he was going on about, _honestly_ Dylan probably wasn't listening, Connor pulled out a chair to watch.

  
He watched when Dylan stepped back to do a once over in the setup, because from Connor’s experience, Dylan took party games way too seriously. And he watched when Nathan sat down across from Connor and tugged Mikey, who was too drunk to protest, down on his lap. He definitely watched how Mikey's hands automatically went to Nate's forearms, where they were wrapped around his waist, just holding them in place.

  
It was cute for them and all but now Connor’s alcohol clouded mind couldn't stop thinking about how _perfect they were_ and how he wishes he could do the same thing with Jack.

  
At some point of the night, he got distracted from the intense game of Dominoes when Jack rounded the table to come sit right next to him. Connor didn't really give it much thought until he realized their thighs were pressed up against each other and an arm snuck around his hip under the table. Jack’s fingers skittered under his tank top to feel the warm skin there and Connor tried not to squirm.

  
He glanced at Jack, whose face was a happy shade of pink all over and he was acting like he was focused entirely on the game in front of them.

  
Connor could feel his own cheeks heating up, and he tried to tell himself that Jack was just a handsy drunk. He kept that up for a while and just when Connor thought he was able to relax, Jack abruptly got up and muttered something about stepping outside.

  
“Wait, I’ll come too!” Mikey exclaimed, jumping up to follow him out.

  
They only played for a couple more minute before abandoning the game. It got boring after a while. Dylan sighed and knocked a domino over. “Have a good birthday, babe?” Mitch asked. Connor watched while he reached over to run his fingers through Dylan's hair gently, and how Dylan made a face when his fingers caught on a knot.

  
Dylan smiled a little sleepily, “The best.” And he knocked another domino over. “Let’s go to bed?”

  
Mitch was lazily fixing his lopsided cone hats, and gave him a scolding look. “Don't be so obvious.”

  
“Well jeez, it's not like we didn't know what you were going to be doing but thanks for reassuring us.” Connor pointed out. From across the table, Nathan made a noise of disgust, “You know, the least you guys can do is keep it quiet tonight, okay? Some of us actually enjoy sleeping.”

  
Dylan stumbled a bit as he stood up and with a dozy grin, he took one last swig of his beer. “Some of us actually get laid more than once a month and enjoy it. Happy birthday to me, fuckers.”

  
“ _I get laid more than once a month_.” Nathan grunted to himself, leaned forward with his hands spread out on top of the table.  
Connor shrugged at him, he thinks he’s sober enough to be nice and clean the mess they left behind up. “Will you help me clean this?”

  
Nathan laughed a little too whole heartedly, “Funny.”

  
When Connor was finished, he joined Nate on the couch. He was laying down, taking up all the space and he was now shirtless with an arm and leg hanging off the edge.

  
“Oh sorry, did you want to go to sleep?” Nathan asked. “I don't know how you slept here last night, it’s like laying on a pile of bricks.”

  
Connor hadn't thought about the fact that Jack had offered to let him sleep in his bed tonight all day. In fact, he’d forgotten about it until now. He sort of wanted to tell Nathan, but Connor wasn't even sure if he should sleep in Jack's room or not. He decided not to, because he didn't want to make a big deal out of what was _probably nothing_.

  
The only semi good thing on TV was a late night crime show, so he and Nathan watched that for a bit, going back and forth making fun of the actors until Mikey wandered back inside.

  
Connor watched him coming over to lean on the back of the couch, looking drowsy and a little irritated for some reason. Mikey didn't drink much, so when he did it was kinda funny to see the many stages of drunk he went through. One downside of a drunk Mikey was he tended to get testy the longer the his buzz wore on.

  
“I'm goin to sleep, come on.” Mikey said but it came out more like a question than a statement.  
  
Nate ignored it and instead looked up at him him, “How come you literally didn't even kiss me at all today.”

  
“ _Stop_...,” Mikey whined, tired sounding. “are you coming or what?”

  
Nate made a show of struggling to get up from the couch, and plopped back down flat. “Can’t.” Which just made Mikey roll his eyes at him. “ _Dude_ …”

  
“Help me up.”

  
Mikey made an impatient sound and rounded the couch so he was standing in front of him, pulling on his arm to force him to sit up. “Nate, seriously. I’m fucking tired.”  
  
“Okay then go to bed. Just give me a kiss first.” Nate pressed, he had a teasing smile on his face and Mikey didn't seem to be in the mood for it because he rolled his eyes and dropped his hand, spinning on his heels to walk away. “You are so _annoying_.” There was an edge to his tone, that made him sound legitimately irritated.

  
Nate peered over at Connor like _what the hell is his problem?_ to which he just shrugged unhelpfully and turned up the volume on the TV. Nathan still looked confused though, and he sat up so he could watch Mikey still walking away. “Hey come here.” he said.

  
Mikey ignored him, disappearing into the kitchen and he came back out with a bottle of water. He glared at Nathan when he passed by them again and Nate sighed out a breathy laugh, rubbing at his face. “Relax man, you can go to bed _without_ me. Give me another hour, and I’ll be in there. _Jesus Christ_.”

  
Mikey crossed his arms, “I don't care about that, you're pissing me off. I don't know why you have to embarrass me all the time.”

  
“ _What are you talking about_? You're drunk, just go to bed.” Nate waved his hand dismissively. “He’s not even making sense.” he told Connor. And Connor was still trying to act like he had been focused on the TV screen the entire time and not _freaking out_ about how he is witnessing his first argument from what he thought was the world's most perfect couple.

  
Mikey stopped and spun back around when he heard that, “You know what, you’re so fucking annoying.” he repeated and Connor let himself sneak a quick look. His eyes looked a little wild and his face was flushed red, obviously he was drunk and that's really the only reason why he was starting a fight so blantely in front of Connor but _fuck this was so awkward_. “I don't know why I even put up with you, don't even come to bed. Sleep out here for all I care. You always piss me off.”

  
“Mike, you realize you're literally upset about _nothing_ right? You're acting like this for no reason.” Nate pointed out, exasperatedly. Connor has never seen Nathan legit mad before but he was sure it wasn't going to take much from getting there. This is the first time he’s ever seen Nate look _even close to a little_ annoyed with Mikey.

  
“Because you always embarrass me!”

  
“What- because I wanted you to _kiss me_? Oh let me guess, because Connor’s right here and you don't like showing PDA? My god, get over it. No one cares like you think they do.” Now Nate was the one to roll his eyes and lay back down with a huff.

  
Now the only noise in the room was the sounds coming from the TV. Mikey was half turned back and was stalling like he wasn't sure which way to turn and after a second, he finally stomped back to their room. A door slammed from down the hall and it vaguely worried Connor because it was too late to be slamming doors. Also, maybe some people were trying to sleep.

  
Nathan seemed pretty annoyed now. The energy between them completely shifted, so Connor almost didn't even want to move or anything.

 

  
Not even ten minutes later, Mikey came back out and stood in front of the couch again. They stared at each other for a few seconds before Nate sighed loudly, getting up from the couch and side stepped around Mikey. “Night Connor.”  
  
“...Night.” Connor mumbled and as discreetly as he could, watched when Nathan headed towards the hallway with Mikey right on his heels.  
  
Mikey let out a tiny “ _hey_ -” and stopped him for a second so he could wrap his arms around his torso pulling him back for a bear hug, resting his head on Nathan’s shoulder blade. Nate let him for a second, before pulling away and continuing down the hallway.

  
  
It was nice to see Mikey be the affectionate for once, even if it was only because he was really _drunk_ and Nathan was upset with him. He’d never really noticed the lack of PDA on Mikey’s part until now, even if it was just around someone like Connor or even _Dylan_ , who Mikey had known the longest out of anyone. He felt a guilty spike of joy to know that- _Mikey definitely was not perfect_.  
  
He sort of felt bad for Nathan but Mikey had always been a really private person when it came to that kind of stuff and Connor wondered if that ever bothered him.  
  
It kind of reminded him of when he and Jack first started going out, how uncomfortable Jack would get whenever Connor tried to hug or even reach for his hand when there were people around because it was hard to keep his hands to himself. But the more he did those things in front of people, the more Jack just let him because he liked him too much to ask him to tone it down some.  
  
_Wow_.  
  
Now he was really tired and his back was still bothering him a little so he decided to shut the TV off. Jack wasn't in the bedroom when he passed by it to brush his teeth. He half expected to see each of their sides made up with separate covers but his own blankets were spread over the entire bed and one side had two pillows instead of one. He guessed that was his side because Connor couldn't sleep with just one pillow. Jack knew that. That was...nice of him.

  
It had been at least an hour since he’s seen Jack around and he was kinda getting worried, just about to call him to see where he was but just then, he heard the front door open and shut quietly.  
  
He listened to the footsteps that padded down the hall. The door opened, Jack poked his head in first before actually coming in. He looked like he’d sobered up immensely but his eyes were rimmed red like he’d been crying.  
  
“Oh hey...where were you?” Connor casually asked. He was pretend to be looking for something in his bag and pulled out a sweatshirt to put on. It had gotten chilly tonight.  
  
Jack held up his phone, “Mom called.”

  
He walked around the bed to plug his phone into Connor’s charger. “I guess they’re planning the funeral now, it’s like kinda stressing her out.”  
  
“Oh.” Connor hummed, softly. He climbed onto the bed, getting under the blankets and absolutely _sighed_ at the feeling of relief as his body sunk into the memory foam.  
  
As Jack did what he needed to do, Connor closed his eyes and listened to him rustle around. “Can you try to hurry up so you can turn the lights off?”  
  
It was completely silent for a few moments and for a minute he thought it might’ve sounded rude or something so Connor squinted his eyes open, only to see Jack staring at him like he was thinking about something really hard.  
  
“...what?”  
  
Jack didn't say anything and instead shucked his shirt off and walked over the light switch, flipping it off. Only the dull shine of the night was peaking through the half open blinds now. Connor decided to just ignore it and closed his eyes once more. He felt a dent in the mattress as Jack got himself settled. The feeling of Jack’s eyes still on him was putting him on edge though, he was making it hard to relax. “You okay, Jack?”  
  
Connor’s eyes shot open when he felt a hand sneak up on his chest, palm flat and cold. It just sat there, in the middle of his chest, unmoving. Jack was propped up on one elbow, looking down at him and his eyes were a little wide, the angles on his face seemed to soften in the dark.

  
Connor didn't say anything, not sure what Jack was doing but not exactly stopping him either.  
  
Slowly, his hand slid up until Jack was tracing his jawline, cupping his chin very carefully. His breath was hot on Connor’s neck, causing goosebumps to arise. “Don’t- _please don't_ push me away,”

  
Connor watched him, waiting for what was about to come next. Jack kept on looking at him, still holding onto his chin and diverted his eyes down to his mouth. Finally, he just just pressed an air light kiss to his cheek. So gentle with it, like he was giving Connor a chance to push him away. And when Connor stayed frozen underneath him, Jack kissed his cheek again, with a little more pressure this time.

  
His heart was now beating so fast and so hard, like it hadn't in awhile and he was sure Jack could feel it through the layers he had on.  
  
Jack kept on with the small pecks on the cheek until he pulled back to meet his eyes again. He rubbed at Connor’s jaw, and Connor gave him a little nod, though he wasn't sure what he was nodding to. Before he even could even begin think about it, Jack closed the remaining space between them, kissing him on the lips.

  
The noise that he made when Jack brought his hand up to cradle his cheek should have been embarrassing. Jack had probably heard that noise so many times now, it probably would have been weird if he didn't make that noise.

  
Their kisses were messy but slow and coordinated. It was _familiar_ and _good_ because they already knew how to kiss each other.

  
Connor was content for it to stay that way because he wanted to savor this moment, just a few days ago he wasn't sure that he would ever get to feel this again and he wasn't about to do anything to fuck it up.

  
But then Jack swiped his tongue over the seams of his lips a couple of times, pushing and prodding. Connor opened his mouth as he inhaled deeply, trying to maintain the closeness between their bodies.

  
Connor was happy to let him control this- _whatever this was_ \- and he allowed himself to bring a hand up to tangle in Jack’s unruly hair, setting his other hand to rest on Jack’s lower back.

  
They kissed like that for a while until it started to turn a little more hurried, Jack pushing him deeper and taking ahold Connor’s hand to grab the back of his thigh so that he could straddle him.

  
When they pulled apart to breathe, Jack was grinning wide, a little desperately and rocked his hips down once like he was testing the waters. “Connor-”

  
“ _Yeah_ -” he whispered back. He was pretty sure he knew where this was going, and it was a little overwhelming in a way. He really didn't want to think about how bad of an idea this was or what this would mean to Jack, all he cared about right now was giving Jack whatever he needed. So he grinded up to meet Jack’s hips and pulled him back down to continue kissing him.  
  
“Can you, _please_.” Jack panted against his lips, he was digging his nails into this Connor’s sides now as they moved together. He sounded as nervous as Connor felt to be doing this, in the place they are right now and with everything that’s been going on. Honestly, this was a really terrible idea- and Connor was only letting that thought hit him now. But Jack was also panting harder now, “Do you -” _Ah, fuck it_ \- them spending as much time together as they have been this weekend wasn't a good idea either so whatever, Connor was _fucking doing this._

  
He decidedly flipped them over quickly, knocking the blankets that were in the way off completely and judging by the sounds Jack was making, he wasn't expecting it either.

  
Once Connor was on top, he took a second to pet the side of Jack’s face and just _look_. Jack urged him on, wrapping his arms around his torso, and pressing open mouthed, sloppy kisses to his neck. It took him a minute to gain his composure enough to pull back so he could sit on his knees.

  
They looked at each other for a few moments and Jack flashed him a giddy smile that Connor couldn't not match, while he lifted his hips up for Connor to slip his pajama pants and boxers off in a swift move.

  
_God_ , Jack was already hard just from them making out. He’s just glad he still had this affect on Jack.  
  
Connor groaned and this time when he leaned down to kiss him, there was an agenda, this was actually leading somewhere and he just really wanted to get Jack off.  
  
“Is the door locked?” Connor asked. Not like anyone would just barge in at three in the morning but still, he was just being cautious. Although, he did surprise himself with how he was able to form an actual sentence in between trying to remember to breathe and sucking bruises on the skin right below Jack’s jaw, trying to find the spot that always drove him crazy.  
  
“ _Yeah_.” he whispered, which turned into a moan when Connor found that spot and bit down. He was about to say something else but stopped when Connor got a hand around him, too loose for it to really do anything but Jack sucked in a sharp breath, clutching Connor’s shoulder tightly now.

  
He was enjoying the strained sounds and it only made Connor taking his hand off completely, even more better. Jack glared up at him, his leg shaking insistently and Connor sat back on his knees again to watch him.  
  
With a smirk, he stroked him once and Jack’s face went lax, his mouth hanging open, “ _Okay_ \- what is it?”  
  
“If we’re gonna do this, you have to be quiet.” Connor replied. “I think we both know how loud you can get.”  
  
Jack grinned back at him, “I’ll try my best.” And with that, he sat up and lightly pushed at Connor so he could pull his sweatshirt off, tossing it off to the side. Connor scooted off the bed, so he could pull his own sweats off, never breaking eye contact with Jack. He wasn't sure how far they were going, wanted Jack to be the decider of that but if they were going to fuck- Connor sure as hell didn't have any condoms or anything and neither should Jack- _probably_. When they were together, they never bothered with using protection but he wasn't sure if Jack had been with anyone since- well _that_ , he didn't want to think about.

  
Jack must’ve sensed something from him because right as he was about to get back on the bed, he bit his lip. “Wait,” and Connor watched him scoot down to the edge of his bed where Connor was standing. Looking up at him, Jack took ahold of his half hard dick and lightly blowing some cold air onto it before lowering his mouth, starting at the tip.

  
“ _Oh fuck_.” Connor threw his head back and groaned out, a little too loudly which just made Jack pull off with a playful grin, “Shhh, remember?”  
  
Connor breathed out a somewhat manic laugh and put a hand on the back of his head, nodding frantically. “I know sorry, _come on_ -” He watched as Jack jerked him a few times nice and thorough before taking him back into his mouth, this time siding all the way down and hollowing his cheeks out the best he could.  
  
“ _Shit_.” Connor hissed, his eyes shutting close automatically. Jack let him guide his head up and down with his hands, not minding that Connor's fingers were gripping at his hair too tightly. He sucked for a couple more minutes and just as Connor was thinking about how he could come from just this, Jack pulled off with a trail of spit hanging off his lip. “Do you- um, you wanna like,” he tilted his head and it took Connor a second to realize what he was asking.

  
“I can- you want me to fuck you?” he asked because he just wanted to make sure. Jack nodded, and wrapped a hand around him again, just holding. “If you want...but I want you too.”  
  
“Fuck, Jack-” and Jack scrambled back onto the middle of the bed, so he was on his back with his feet planted on the bed, legs hanging open. Connor took a second to look over him and his heart clenched painfully with how much he’d missed this.  
  
Jack looked so _wrecked_ , so sweet and full of want. His mouth was swollen from all the sucking and his lips were a nice shade of cherry red to match the sunburn on his arms, and he was just lying there- waiting with one hand palming over himself. He was watching Connor look him over and loving it.

  
_He had missed this so, so much_.  
  
“Nothing you haven't seen before, Connor.” Jack chuckled, wrapping his legs around Connor’s waist, trying to get him to move closer.

  
“Sorry.” Connor breathed out, so incredibly dizzy with love and adoration and he was sure he’d been smiling like an idiot this entire time but so was Jack, so it was okay.

  
He leaned in for a slow, tantalizing kiss that Jack gladly took. Connor was trying to put all of the emotions he was feeling into it, he needed Jack to feel it too because he never wanted Jack to feel anything else that wasn't his love.  
  
Jack brought his hand up to cup his cheek, thumbing over the thin skin underneath his eye. When Connor dared to open his eyes, Jack was gazing at him with the same look he used to give him when they took it slow like this. A cherishing look, something that told Connor- _everything is alright_.  
  
“Connor.” Jack whispered, “Will you fuck me. _Please_.”  
  
“Oh,” Connor paused for a second, “I don't have any uh- protection.”

  
Jack gave him a weird look, “Yeah, and?” He moved his hand to wrap around the back of his neck, the other trailing down Connor’s back as he hunched over him.

  
“I just- I mean, have you fucked anybody since...?” If Jack did sleep with anyone, he would have used protection, there was no way he wouldn't but maybe he was more concerned with if Jack actually did sleep with anyone else. He wasn't going to straight up tell him that though.

  
“What the fuck, _of course not_. I would never-” he rushed out, and Connor nodded because of course not. He shouldn't have brought it up- not now. “I promise it's only ever been you, Connor.” he assured and Connor kept nodding over and over until Jack grabbed ahold of his face to still him. “ _Only you_.”

  
They looked at each other, the heat of the moment somehow wasn't ruined and Connor couldn't have lurched forward to kiss him any faster than he did, scraping their teeth together. It felt good, this- _them_.

 

  
Connor lightly snuck a few fingers in Jack’s mouth, letting him coat them with spit before bringing them down to his hole, making sure to finger him slowly since it’s been a while. _Thank god_. He doesn't know what he would do if Jack had actually- he shook that thought out of his mind and focused on the moment, he had Jack on his back whimpering and moaning and that was all that mattered.  
  
Once Jack seemed to be stretched out enough, he took ahold of his own leaking cock and as carefully as he could, sank into him. He had to really focus on letting Jack adjust and not driving forward to chase the tight heat. Connor was doing pretty good on that but failed to swallow the choked off groan that Jack _laughed_ at. 

  
He was about to tell him to shut up but was cut off by Jack’s quiet pleads as he pushed at the back of Connor’s thighs with his feet to let him know he could move. It was easy for Connor to forget about anything and everything that didn't involve thrusting into the right heat of Jack and trying to maintain a steady pace just in case Jack needed him to slow down.  
  
Pulling him down so they could kiss, Jack let out a breathy moan, panting hard against the corner of Connor’s mouth. Every so often, he would buck up so that his dick brushed up against Connor’s stomach.

  
When they were together like this, there was never a second where they were out of sync, never a moment of doubt and it was great because they already knew how to make each other feel good.

 

  
Jack was holding up his end of the deal and keeping quiet, with the small whimpers and breathy moans coming out of him even when Connor hit his prostate dead on with every other thrust into him.

  
Connor- on the other hand could not seem to shut up. Only vaguely, he hoped he was being quiet enough but also at the same time, found it really hard to care.

  
“ _Jack, god. Missed you s’much...fuck-_.” He continued to rant on like that, hoping that Jack wasn't listening too hard because Connor was just blathering out words now at this point.

  
Jack really probably wasn't paying attention to it, Connor could tell he was getting close because of the insistent claws at his shoulders and his stuttering breaths.

  
He only then realized that Jack was jerking himself off to the rhythm of Connor’s thrusts and when he came to his senses, he slapped his hand away to finish him off. Jack came on an upstroke, at the exact same time he slammed in particularly hard. Jack was clenching down hard, making Connor still completely so he wouldn't come right then and there himself.

  
Instead, he kissed all over Jack’s face, stroking over his flushed cheek with his free hand until Jack calmed down a bit.  
  
“Keep going.” Jack slurred out, still trying to catch his breath and it only took Connor a few more hurried thrusts before he finally came. He buried his face into Jack’s sweaty neck, sighing wetly. Jack’s arms came up to wrap around him, kissing his temple. “ _Connor_.” he whispered in his ear. Connor loved the sound of that, it made his toes curl and a sappy smile wash over his lips.  
  
Once he mustered up enough energy to slip out and roll off him, they laid there for a while. Both sweaty and basking in the afterglow.

  
Connor turned his head to look at Jack, who was on his side, curled up in fetal position. “Are you falling asleep?” he whispered, just in case he was actually dozing off.

  
“Mm?” Jack startled visibly, clearly he was ready to sleep. He scooted closer, so that his head was level to Connor shoulder, looking up at him. “I was just resting my eyes.”

  
Connor chuckled at him, “Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up.” and he inched his hand along Jack’s side. That made Jack sigh, content sounding but then he reached back, lifting his leg a bit and brang a couple of fingers up to show Connor the come that was dripping out of him. “I believe this belongs to you.”

  
  
“Oh my god, Jack.” Connor laughed, knocking his hand away. “Stop that right now.” He rolled over to grab some tissues off the nightstand to wipe them both off. Connor almost forgot how intimate it was to clean someone else up of come- _his_ come. But Jack didn't seem to mind, he just lied there and closed his eyes again for a couple of seconds.

  
There was no trash can that he could see so he just shoved the wad of tissues far up under his pillow, because he didn't want to leave them on the floor. Just in case.

  
Jack was staring at him again and propped himself up to catch Connor in another heated kiss, less urgency but just as meaningful. And right now, Connor couldn't stop thinking about how it felt like two years ago at the lake all over again. It was very stupid of Connor to blurt out, “ _We’re so good together_.”

  
  
That seemed to catch Jack off guard because he actually jerked back a tiny bit and his small, satisfied smile turned into a sad one. Something in the way his face dropped, it made Connor want to retract what he said but- well, it was true.

  
“Mmhm.” Was all Jack said. Nothing more but that was okay. He was happy enough to enjoy the way Jack ran his hand through Connor’s damp hair, lightly massaging at his scalp.

  
The last thing he remembers before falling asleep was their fingers tangling together, he’s not sure if he or Jack did that.

  
***  
  
When Connor woke up the next morning, Jack was still asleep.  
  
The light grey fog outside told him it was still pretty early, he was- again probably the only one awake right now.

  
Jack was pressed up against his back, Connor could feel every inhale and exhale he took, steady and even. That was almost enough to lull him back to sleep, but Jack made a noise in his sleep, jolting him awake. He turned around so that he could kiss Jack’s stupid freckled shoulder and slipped out from under the sleep heavy leg that was hooked over him and got up to put some sweats on. He made sure to be as quiet as he could while slipping out of the room and closed the door behind him.

  
He headed into the kitchen for some water because he mouth was uncomfortably dry and gummy, probably due to all the alcohol he had last night.  
  
The morning chill made him shiver as it creeped up from the soles of his feet all throughout his body, his arms erupting in goosebumps. There was a fake fireplace in the living room, and he thought about turning it on but that seemed a little dramatic.

  
It was eerily quiet in the house, and kinda creeping him out so he was about to head back into the bedroom. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he turned around and saw Dylan standing right behind him, and he let out a mortifying yelp that made Dylan jump too.  
  
“ _Jesus_. Am I that scary looking in the morning?” he glowered at Connor, his voice rough with sleep.  
  
He let out a relieved sigh, “No, you just _scared the shit outta me_. Don't sneak up on me like that!”  
  
Connor took a sip of his bottled water and watched Dylan pointedly roll his eyes, shouldering past him to start making the coffee.  
  
“Sleep well?”  
  
Connor’s head snapped up, “What, why?” he demanded.  
  
Dylan frowned back at him from where he was leaning on his elbows against the counter, “Uh, because I came out here a little earlier and didn't see you on the couch. I figured you’d gotten up hella early because _you're crazy_ and like, went out for a run or something.”  
  
“Oh right, yeah I was...uh doing that.” Connor said, all of a sudden feeling strangely jittery like he’d drank ten straight espresso shots. Dylan gave him a weird look, “Okay?” and turned back to press the button on the coffee pot before walking past Connor to go back into his room.  
  
Before he could get too far, Connor jerked forward and grabbed his arm, yanking Dylan back three full steps. “ _Jesus Christ, dude. What_?”  
  
And yeah, it was way too early for that. Connor was doing that thing where he acted before his dumb brain could decide on whether or not he was going to tell Dylan what happened last night or not so he stood there with his mouth hanging open like an idiot.  
  
“Why are you being so weird, you freak?” Dylan looked tired, like he wanted to just go back to bed but he still waited for Connor to say something. “I...um.” he stopped to clear his throat.

  
“I wasn't. I mean, I was in Jack’s room last night. Like I slept there.”  
  
Dylan looked back at the couch, “So Jack slept out here?”  
  
Connor swallowed hard, trying to fight the inevitable grin he felt coming on, “No- like, we were both in there. Sleeping. And stuff.”  
  
Dylan now looked a little more awake, despite the dark circles under his eyes. “Wait.” He paused for a moment, eyebrows shooting up comically. “And _stuff_? Connor, did you and Jack have _sex_ last night?”

  
As soon as that came out, Connor put his hand over mouth, looking around like someone could _possibly_ overhear.

  
Dylan smacked his hand away but didn't seem to care that Connor was still gripping his arm so tightly now, that he could see the imprint of white. He was a good friend like that.  
  
Connor slowly nodded, letting a goofy smile wash over face. Dylan’s eyes were now practically bugging out of his head and he whispered yelled, “You're serious! Does this mean you guys back together?”  
  
“I don't know, we didn't talk about it yet. He's still sleeping. Don't tell anyone, you're the only one that knows. I mean it, don't mention anything to Jack, don't tell Mitch- _no one_.”  
  
Dylan was now nodding frantically, “I won't, I swear.”  
  
“Cool.” Connor sighed, letting go of his arm. Dylan immediately pulled him back for a hug, slapping at his bare skin, “I haven't seen you this happy in a long time, Davo. You two were always so good together.”  
  
“I- that's what I told him last night.” Connor scratched the back of his neck. He was trying not to get his hopes up too much, even if Jack did want to get back together, there was a lot of shit to talk about. It wasn't all just going to go away because they slept together last night.  
  
Dylan smiled at him, “I hope this means you guys get back together.”

  
“Me too.”

  
This time, Dylan was the one to stop him before Connor would get too far. “Hey Davo? I'm glad you told me.”

  
Connor reached out to ruffle his hair. It made him feel bad that he’d been holding back from Dylan lately. It wasn't his fault, but it had been good for Connor to have some time to sort of his feelings. He didn't regret skipping out on everyone for a while. “Of course, you're my best friend, Dyl.”

  
Dylan's smile got even wider and he never felt that statement more truer than right now.  
  
Connor ended up going back to sleep for a while, slipping under the warm covers and curling around Jack. When he woke up the second time, Jack wasn't there. His side of the bed cold like he hadn't been there for a while but that was fine. It’s not like Connor was _looking forward_ to waking up with him or anything.  
  
The strong aroma of food was enough to coax him out of bed and he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth before heading into the dining room where the guys were all sitting around the table, eating breakfast.  
  
“Oh well look who decided to finally wake up!” Mitch greeted, patting the chair next to him.

  
Connor sat down and stole a piece of bacon off his plate. “What time is it?”  
  
Mikey held up his phone to show him, “Almost noon.”  
  
“Yeah, you slept pretty late. Must’ve slept good on that bed, it was nice of Jack to take the couch for you last night.” Mitch said, shoveling his fork in his mouth.

  
Nathan made a grimace from across the table, “I don't know how anyone sleeps on that couch, I think I hate that couch.”

  
Mitch jabbed him in the rib, “Did you thank Jack, Connor?”  
  
From the head of the table, Dylan almost spit his orange juice out.

  
Connor looked at Jack, who was pointedly looking down at his plate and still hasn't said a word. “Oh. Um, yeah...I thanked him last night.” Dylan snorted loudly.  
  
“Jeez, Marner- what are you, _his mom_?” Nathan commented again. Mitch flipped him off and said, “I'm just trying to keep the peace here.”  
  
“I don't think you need to do that, babe.” Dylan interjected, getting up to put his plate away and Connor _swore_ he was biting his lip to keep from laughing.

  
He glanced at Jack again, who still was avoiding Connor’s gaze. _Okay then_.  
  
Since it was their last day before leaving back to Toronto, there was really nothing planned so it was more of a lazy day.

  
Despite the freezing morning, it had gotten really hot again and it was too humid for swimming so Connor opted to stay in the air conditioned house, where he and Nate ended up in front of the TV again.

  
This time they were watching some reality show about a bunch of housewives that Connor found himself being very invested in.  
  
“Okay-” Nate started, “If you were straight, which one would you be down to fuck?” He sounded genuinely curious, so Connor seriously thought about it

  
“Good question.”

  
They were all pretty unattractive in his opinion- eyebrows lifted to high up, cheeks too sunken in, skin too leathery from all the tanning they did.  
  
“I mean, I think the obvious answer is whoever has the most money, right?” Nathan paused the screen. “But I think I could make an exception for her.” He pointed to the youngest woman out of the bunch. “Don't tell my boyfriend, although he's too hungover to care.”

  
Connor snickered, his eyes wandering over to the front window where he could see the rest of the guys outside. It looked like were just talking, probably getting ready to head down to the lake. Mikey was wearing a familiar pair of blue tinted sunglasses- Jack's sunglasses. Mikey looked a lot better in them.  
  
Connor decided to take advantage of their privacy and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. “Hey, can I ask you something?”  
  
“On commercial.” Nate answered, distractedly. Connor snatched the remote out his hand and paused the TV. “Dude!”  
  
“Do you ever get bothered with, how Mikey sometimes...like he kinda brushes you off sometimes?”  
  
Nate sighed, sitting up straighter. “Why, what did he do to you? I’ll talk to him.”  
  
“No, like- I’m asking _you_. Does it ever bug you that he’s not very affectionate with you? Like the way you are with him?” Connor asked.  
  
Nathan looked away for a minute, like he was thinking. “Are you talking about last night?” Connor nodded once.  
  
“Well, first of all- I don't think he remembers much from last night and he would freak if he knew that he acted that way with me in front of you.”

  
“It's just, I never really noticed how much he holds back around us like he didn't want to kiss you...just because I was watching TV in the same room.” Connor said, then added quickly, “But we were all drinking so...”

  
Nate shrugged, “Mikey can either be really fun or really mean when he drinks. And he knows that, that’s why he doesn't drink a lot.” _Oh_. Connor didn't know that.

  
“But doesn't it bother you that he's like that?”

  
“No, not really. I mean, sometimes I just want to tell him that it’s really not a big deal if we hold hands while in the grocery store or like, I don't know- it’d be nice to be able kiss my boyfriend once in awhile when we’re in public and not have him get all weird and mad at me for initiating it. It's not like I want to make out with everyone around but he hardly even let's me kiss him on the cheek. Cheeks are harmless!” Nate explained, and he folded his arms behind his head.

  
“You know the other day when I came over here and sat on his lap or whatever?” Connor nodded. “Yeah well, he totally got annoyed with me later because he said I was making you feel uncomfortable.”

  
“You weren't making me feel uncomfortable…it was cute, I guess.” he said and Nate threw his hands up, “I know!”  
  
“Have you ever talked to him about it?” Connor asked.  
  
Nathan frowned a little, “Mikey’s just...that’s just how he is y’know? He’s not a _lovey dovey_ guy- that's just not his personality and I’m not gonna try to change that about him. Plus he's not like that when it's just the two of us. When it's just us, of course he is affectionate with me.”  
  
Connor offered a small smile, “You know, that was the first time I’ve ever seen you guys even disagree. I used to think you guys never fought...like at all.”  
  
Nate chuckled at that, “Connor, _all couples fight_. Even if it’s about stupid things like not wanting to kiss your boyfriend because one of your friends is watching TV in the same room.”  
  
He let Nate knock the remote out of his hands, letting him think that he caught Connor off guard just to see the shit eating grin he gave after.  
  
So maybe that’s one of the reasons why they worked so good together, Nate was happy to let Mikey be himself. He didn't let things like Mikey hating PDA develop into anything bigger than it actually was.  
  
They were a really good example of how opposites attract. Nate loved PDA, Mikey hated it. Mikey was quiet, Nate was loud. Nathan liked to be funny, Mikey was a little more serious. Mikey did his laundry every week, Nate’s mom still had to call him to remind him every week.  
  
But then, there were couples like Dylan and Mitch, who were the _same person_ and sometimes it kinda weirded Connor out. Dylan and Mitch were so much alike, they bickered and argued constantly. He knew that because he frequently gets voicemails and texts from each of them, complaining about the other. He was like the only child caught in the middle of his divorced parents or something.

  
They were like that from day one though- in fact, they hated each other when they first met.  
  
Connor used to get so tired of the phone calls he would get exactly three times a week from Dylan about “ _this asshole, Marner_ ” who was “ _One of Mikey’s lame rec hockey friends_ ” and how this Marner guy was trying to “ _abduct_ ” Mikey from him.

  
Funny, how Connor remembers saying something very similar to Jack when he’d first met Mitch too.  
  
_Mitchell Marner didn't give very good first impressions, did he?_  
  
He smiled to himself, biting down on his bottom lip and wondered just where exactly he and Jack fit on the scale.  
  
***  
  
A little later, Dylan and Mikey joined them in a housewives marathon. Just when Connor was sure they had all found their new favorite show, Nate tossed a pillow at him and getting him right in the face. “Wanna go swimming now? It's cooled down.”

  
“Are you only asking him or are we invited to your little swim date too?” Dylan asked and next to him, Mikey made a sound of agreement.

  
Connor flung the pillow at Dylan, barely missing Mikey's face, which _oops_. “No, sorry you can't come.”’

  
This time, it was Mikey that picked the pillow up and he held it out for Nate to take. “It's okay. If there's anyone I’ll let you go on a date with, it's Connor.”

  
Nate laughed at that, but it seemed a little strained. He wondered if they made up this morning or if they swept it under the rug like he and Jack used to do. “Go get towels.” He said, not directed to anyone but Connor got up anyway.  
  
He scanned the linen closet, looking for clean towels. Once he had three fresh towels, he went into the bathroom to grab the one he was using yesterday. It was still slightly damp, but it’ll do.

  
“Hey you going to the lake?” Jack asked, one arm perched up on the doorway of the bathroom.  
  
Connor swung all four towels over his shoulder, and looked at him. Jack was shifting his feet a little awkwardly. “Yeah, you wanna come?”  
  
“Not really in the mood to sit there and watch you guys swim. I think I’m just gonna go take a nap or something.” he replied.  
  
Maybe Jack really was just tired but he couldn't help but be a little disappointed. Jack had been sort of avoiding him all morning, Connor tried not to let that get to him. He just really hoped Jack wasn't regretting last night.

  
They stood there for a minute, in silence and he didn't know what to say to that so Connor looked down at his own bare feet and flexing his toes. Jack's gaze followed, and he cleared his throat.

  
“Do you...think we can maybe talk sometime today?” Connor asked.  
  
“Sure.” Jack said easily. Then with a quick glance over his shoulder, he stepped inside with him and swung the door halfway closed with his foot.

  
For a second, Connor thought that meant he had to use the bathroom or something but he was being shoved up against the wall and Jack’s mouth was against his, kissing him gently.  
  
He broke the kiss after a moment, pulling back with an almost shy smile that seemed out of character. Jack wasn't an hesitant person. “I can still do that today right?”  
  
Connor closed his eyes for a second, leaning in to kiss the side of his neck. “ _Of course_.”  
  
“Good.” Jack sighed out in relief. Connor wanted to say something about how he thought Jack was the one avoiding him but before he could say anything else, he was being pushed out of the bathroom. “Now go, I’ll be here when you get back.”

  
And it took a lot for his legs to oblige, he turned his head to watch Jack stride into his room and shut the down behind him with one last glance over his shoulder.  
  
He was sure he looked like an absolutely beaming moron right now, trying to fight the euphoric smile off his lips.

  
Jack had kissed him, completely sober and there was absolutely _no way_ Jack didn't want to get back together now.  
  
He pressed his lips together, enjoying the waxy film that now covered his lips from the Jack’s chapstick.

  
Connor thought about how Jack used to pile it on, blaming his insanely dry lips on the bipolar weather and how the strong scent of peach tended to linger on his lips for hours.  
  
Still grinning to himself, he spun around on his heels to go find Dylan but when spotted Nate standing in the front doorway, like he was waiting so instead proceeded to head in that direction.

  
From what he could see, Nate was pulling on shoes and his head was turned to his left, head tilted to the  
“...Come on, I’ll even go in the water with you. Just’ you know...make sure I don't drown.”  
  
Connor stopped when Mikey came into view and walked over to stand in front of Nate, stretching his arms high over his head. “You’re not _that bad_ of a swimmer, babe. Your backstroke kinda sucks but that’s nothing I can't teach you.”  
  
Nate held his foot up for him, “Can you tie it, please?”

  
“Just wear my sandals.” Mikey said and when Nate just blinked at him, he bent down and pat his knee for Nate to prop his foot on. “One of these days, I'm gonna teach you how to tie your own shoelaces.”  
  
“I love when you teach me new things.” he said, patting the top of Mikey's head.  
  
After he finished tying his other shoe, he stood back up and watching Nate do a tightness check. “So I feel really bad…”

  
“For what?” Nate asked.

  
“Well cause I was being an asshole last night. I'm sorry if I made you mad or something.”  
  
Nathan's eyes softened, “Or something.”

  
MIkey pinched his arm, “I'm trying to apologize here.”  
  
“It's fine, Mikey. You don't have to apologize, it's not like you really made me sleep on the couch or anything.”

  
“I still feel bad,” Mikey insisted and leaned forward against Nate's chest, for proper hug. “Love you.”  
  
Nate took off his backwards baseball cap and placed it on Mikey, “You only make it so obvious.”  
  
Mikey glared up at him and Nate tried to bit a smirk back. “Love you too...not like I need to tell you that.”

  
Connor watched MIkey roll his eyes lightheartedly and kissed Nathan on the lips, sighing. “You know I'm trying.” He lowered his voice because that was probably only meant for Nate hear.  
  
He should really- _not be watching them again_ but it was oddly satisfying to see the insecure side of Mikey.  
  
“What are you _doing_?”

  
Connor jumped, making him nearly crash into the wall he was leaning against. Dylan was peering at him suspiciously, holding his own towel.“Oh, uh nothing. I was looking for you!” he told him.

  
“Were you spying on them?” Dylan asked, giving him the same weirded out look as he was this morning.

  
Connor shifted his eyes back to Nate and Mikey, who were now split up, Mikey was holding his phone out like he was showing him something. “No, I was just…”

  
Connor trailed off, wanting Dylan to stop looking at him like that. “I was gonna tell you, Jack just kissed me. Like sober and he was- it was like he wants to definitely get back together.”

  
Saying it out loud, sounded dumb and unimportant but Dylan was now grinning at him. “Awww, where is he?”

  
“Oh he's taking a nap, but he said we could talk later.”

  
Dylan's smile dropped, and he frowned. “Later? _When's later_? No, Connor- go wake him up and talk _now_. Take matters into your own hands for once in your life! Go, go!”

  
He was right, _what was Connor doing_? Here he was lowkey creeping on/over analyzing someone else’s relationship problems when he could be fixing his own. Connor scrambled a little around Dylan, who clapped him on the back and he half jogged to Jack's room like it was a damn movie or something.

  
He stood in front of the door, trying to think of what exactly he was going to say, but all he could think about was a particularly memorable fight- when Connor first realized he didn't like what they had become.  
  
_Connor watched Jack heave out an exhausted sigh, rubbing his hands over his greasy face. It had already been a long day for both of them and they’d just gotten back from Noah’s birthday party._

_  
It was a little after midnight, and the drive home had been quiet. The only conversation being on where to stop for a very late dinner, and even that had been sparse and chopped.  
  
“So are we going to talk about it or are you just going to sit there and act like you don't know what I’m talking about?”  
  
Connor studied him- he wasn't looking at Connor, but staring blankly off to the side with a clenched jaw. It was obvious Jack was mad, but Connor was tired and he could feel his own shoulders slumping forward. “I really don't know what you're upset about.”_

_  
  
Jack’s eyes snapped up to him, “You're kidding, right?”_

_  
He scoffed and shook his head before continuing, “Hmm. Let's see- how about you being fucking rude to my friends all night for no reason? Or your reason being that you had to work all day and in your words, ‘didn't want to spend the night with your dipshit college friends’?”_

_  
Connor pinched the bridge of his nose where he could feel a headache coming on. “Jack, come on. Did you really think I would be in the mood to hang out with them? And yeah, they are dipshits. Who's cares.”_

_  
“Who cares? I do. I don't talk shit about your friends so shut the fuck up.” Jack spat, he leaned back in his seat with crossed arms. “Or maybe I'm upset about how you blantely ignore me all night then have the audacity to flirt with that random guy right in front of me?”_

_  
He was breathing hard now, like just talking about it was getting him all worked up again._

_  
Connor’s eyes widened, “Flirting? What- with who? I wasn't flirting with anyone!”_

_  
“With that McLeod guy? Really? You were flirting, Connor. Talking to him all night, asking him all these questions and looking at him like he was the best thing you’ve ever laid eyes on, don't fucking...do that.”_

_  
Connor just stared at him, not knowing what to say. He really hadn't been flirting, he’d barely even met the guy and was just trying to be nice because Dylan brought him and he didn't know anybody there. “Wow...if you think that was flirting then…_ ”

  
_Jack laughed sharply, cutting into the air and it made Connor flinch. “Then what, Connor?”_

_  
Maybe he was a little intimidated by this guy, it would explain the sudden jealousy. Connor leaned forward on his elbows, trying to get Jack to meet his eyes, “Jack, I was not flirting okay? You’re just being insecure...and looking for a reason to be pissed off right now.”_

_  
Jack didn't say anything for a while and just when Connor thought it was over, he finally made eye contact and said, “It would just be nice if you payed that much attention to me every once in awhile as you did to him tonight.”_

_  
There were cold takeout cartoons still scattered around the table and Connor looked down at his filled plate. He really wasn't hungry anymore. “Well it would be nice if you would stop looking for any little excuse you can find to start a fight with me every goddamn night. I’m so tired of it, Jack. This is ridiculous.”  
  
Jack darted his eyes at him, then away. “That's on you, okay? You don't have to be tired of it anymore. I'm not making you stay here.”  
  
Lately, statements like that were more frequent, on the verge of being some sort of passive aggressive empty threat because Jack never backed down. Not until Connor put an end to it.  
  
“That's...just shut up, Jack. My god.” Connor said and they sat there in silence again for a few minutes._

_  
He pushed the crumpled up napkin in front of him out of the way so he could fold his arms on the table, resting his head on top of them and closed his eyes. The chair across from him scraped loudly, the sounds of plates being placed in the sink and cardboard boxes being tossed in the garbage filled his ears.  
  
Connor thought about how he could doze off right here because of how fucking exhausted he was. Once he heard footsteps leaving the kitchen, he scoot back onto the chair more so that it was a little more comfortable.  
  
And Connor was so close to seriously dozing off when a hand came up to rub at his back soothingly. He lifted his head, Jack was now in his plaid pajama bottoms that he loved so much and he smelled vaguely of mint. “Come to bed.”  
  
Connor straightened up and continued to look at him. “I didn't mean to upset you tonight, okay? Let's just forget about it, please.”_

_  
Jack didn't answer him, instead just tugged on the back of his shirt. “Let's go to sleep.”_

_  
He looked just as worn out as Connor felt. “I love you.” he said, because Jack probably needed to hear it more and Connor probably didn't say it enough.  
  
“I know, me too.” Jack said and hugged him tightly. The thing with Jack was- he needed constant reassurance and attention and needed to feel loved. Maybe Connor didn't give him enough of it, and he didn't do it on purpose but sometimes Jack felt like too much._

  
Connor remembers watching Jack adjust the blankets over them once they got into bed and thinking that he wasn't sure if they could keep “ _just forgetting_ ” anymore.  
  
He knocked once before opening the door. Jack was sprawled out on his back, the covers hastily smoothed out as a half assed attempt to make the bed.  
  
He lifted his head a few inches off the pillow, frowning. “I thought you were going?”  
  
“I'm sorry for not paying enough attention to you.”  
  
“What?” he asked, looking confused.

  
“I wasn't paying enough attention to what you needed from me, emotionally I guess. I get that now but you can’t- you have to talk and actually tell me how you feel without getting mad. If you feel like I’m ignoring you, don't yell at me because I can't read your mind.”  
  
Jack was staring at him, eyebrow’s furrowed tightly now, mouth open like he didn't know what to say, “I-”  
  
Connor knew he probably looked a little frazzled right now, eyes too round and multiple towels still thrown over his shoulder and a little out of breath. “I am so in love with you and I miss you so fucking much, it's crazy. We need to find a way to make this work again, Jack. I know I have my own shit to work on but...we’re supposed to be together. This has been the worst month of my life and I've been so miserable without you, I can't- I need you by my side. And I promise you, I won't let what we have-” he guested in between them, “- I won't let this go again.”  
  
Jack was sitting up on his knees now, calmly and Connor stepped closer to him. “I’ll do whatever you want, please Jack.”

  
“Okay.” he said calmly. “I never wanted you out of my life, Connor. I was just...I was trying to do what I thought was best for us at the time.”

  
Once he was close enough, Connor sat down next to him so that only their legs were touching. Jack exhaled unevenly, “I've missed you too, I promise I'm gonna be better and we’ll make it work. We will.” He tangled their fingers together, and looked down at their hands for a few moments before leaning in to kiss Connor’s cheek.

  
“We’ll take it slow this time, we won't rush anything. I want to make sure we do this right.” Connor told him, squeezing his hand for emphasis.

  
“Can I tell you that I love you?” Jack asked and he poked at his ribs until Connor grabbed both of his hands to make him stop.

  
“You can say how much you love me, just try not to jab my internal organs so hard.”

  
Jack laughed, and leaned into kiss him on the lips this time. “By the way, I think we were being a little too loud last night because Strome kept giving me these weird smiley looks all day.”

  
Of course Dylan was giving Jack weird smiley looks all day. Connor shifted his eyes nervously, “I uh- I maybe told him something. But it’s okay because I told him not to tell anyone.” he rushed out.

  
“Marner told me that he said something about not being the only one that got laid last night.”

  
“Goddamnit, Stromer! I told him _specifically_ not to say anything!” Connor exasperated loudly. The door swung open and Dylan poked his head in. “Are you coming or what? We've been waiting for you.”

  
“You little liar, I can't believe you told Mitch!”

  
Dylan's mouth hung open, and he stuttered a bit before finally getting out, “Okay, we’re going swimming, bye now!” and slammed the door shut

  
“If you still wanna go, you better hurry after. They’re leaving now.” Jack asked, with an amused expression. “I’ll still be here when you get back.”

  
Connor smiled back at him, leaning back in to kiss him. He had an overwhelming urge to pin him down and really show Jack just how much he missed this. “I changed my mind, I think we need to make up for some lost time.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> so the ending was a little cheesy, i know but i felt like i needed to end the story here.


End file.
